tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16825229.post116564216195117983..comments2023-11-05T01:20:41.116-07:00Comments on gwendomama: I will be here for you. I will be the one who is still angry.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16825229.post-17242311025932170062007-01-18T21:57:00.000-08:002007-01-18T21:57:00.000-08:00Losing a child rips your heart right out of your s...Losing a child rips your heart right out of your skin. I cannot even explain how painful it is to another person but this seems to capture some of the feelings. I miss her so.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16825229.post-1166478621612700262006-12-18T13:50:00.000-08:002006-12-18T13:50:00.000-08:00Thank you so much for this beautifully written pos...Thank you so much for this beautifully written post -- I am that mama you describe. We had eight days with our Ben, our first child, who was born this past September. I'm so glad to have found your blog, and particularly this post. I suspect I'll be re-reading it many a time.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16825229.post-1166138839150243522006-12-14T15:27:00.000-08:002006-12-14T15:27:00.000-08:00Thank you for writing this to me and to others who...Thank you for writing this to me and to others who are touched by it. Jared & I just got the link to your blog from our mutual friend and read it together. We both cried and at the same time felt good. <BR/><BR/>Max lived only 2 hours. We did hold him and rock him and cry with him for hours. And I am so glad for that. I would have regretted not holding him. <BR/><BR/>They believe I had a cord avulsion - the cord tore from the placenta and Max lost blood during labor. And I do blame my body - though I hope to forgive it someday. <BR/><BR/>My body has failed me before. I had an early miscarriage years ago and then my daughter, now 2, was born with an undiagnosed CDH (diaphragmatic hernia). She had a hole in her diaphram and her intestines were in her chest cavity. She had surgery on day 3 and luckily she is fine now. <BR/><BR/>They say Simone's CDH and Max's cord avulsion are unrelated --- are freak occurances. They said, it was like we were struck by lightening twice. <BR/><BR/>It isn't fair. But the reality is, life isn't. And I don't say that with self pity. I have to remind myself that no one is keeping a tally of the good and bad in my life. It just is what it is. And right now, it is dreadful, sad, and often lonely as I ache for Max. <BR/><BR/>Simone still pats my stomach and says "Hi Max", then get's confused that the belly is gone. We do have some friends that still call - that is so important, even though I never call back. I have left Max's room with all his clothes and toys. I find it comforting to sit there or play there with Simone. It is so different for everyone. But it is comforting to know that that is ok. <BR/><BR/>Your words are beautiful, your advice is true. Support and love is the only thing that is comforting. And knowing people knew Max lived, even for such a short time is so important to us. I fear that over time, people will stop asking about Max, because there will be no new history for him. I will have no new pictures of him, just the same black and white picture I carry today. That makes me so sad -- each Christmas as we put a new picture of Simone on the tree, Max's frame will remain. <BR/><BR/>We have talked about our fear and if we are too scared to try again. What if we are hit by lightening a third time? And of course, we want to grieve for Max first. But I have to remind myself that we do not live in fear. We have never not done something because we were afraid of an undesirable outcome. So I type this as a way to remind myself -- Do not to live in fear. <BR/><BR/>Thank you again, my heart aches for your loss of Elijah.<BR/>Love<BR/>JeanineAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16825229.post-1165952196745403742006-12-12T11:36:00.000-08:002006-12-12T11:36:00.000-08:00"I hope that this mama was able to hold her baby f..."I hope that this mama was able to hold her baby for a long time if she wanted to. I hope that she was able to bathe her baby, and touch his toes and kiss his tiny fingers. I hope that she was able to cry and sing to him until she was ready."<BR/><BR/>Tears flooded my eyes when I got to this part. And when I read that your friends kept calling you, that they didn't give up or get tired of hearing you talk about Elijah. Your post title shows what a beautiful heart you have.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16825229.post-1165934606996055402006-12-12T06:43:00.000-08:002006-12-12T06:43:00.000-08:00beautifully said. thank god we have friends who lo...beautifully said. thank god we have friends who love us and can help us through.mamadaisyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10983199831374389086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16825229.post-1165904329744903632006-12-11T22:18:00.000-08:002006-12-11T22:18:00.000-08:00I had a friend who lost her son and she packed awa...I had a friend who lost her son and she packed away all his pictures, his lock of hair, anything that would remind her of him. I thought it was strange until I lost my own daughter and now I have pictures that I keep hidden from everyone but can't bring myself to look at them either.Scribbithttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03178711182424809035noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16825229.post-1165901595990849702006-12-11T21:33:00.000-08:002006-12-11T21:33:00.000-08:00Oh you made my heart skip a beat when I read this ...Oh you made my heart skip a beat when I read this post. That woman was exactly me a year and a half ago. Your words are powerful and right. I hope her friend listens to you. Time was healing for me but most of all processing the grief was so important. I fought the idea of processing my grief - I was so angry and hurt. I wanted to avoid the processing part. Understandable as the processing / accepting was like ripping open my heart and reliving the first stages of grief. Horrible. Hard. Nightmare. Especially as I wanted to hide my grief under the layers of anger. Anyway I guess I'm still processing because this post has effected me. You have me thinking about my baby boy again. Which is good. <BR/><BR/>Important for me was/is my friends to mention my son by name. Always painful but not mentioning him is worse. Also important was friends to talk of my future children with certainty. The guilt of conceiving again is another huge emotional mountain and you need to draw strength from your friends. You also need to build hope for the future. I lost faith in my body and it ment the world to surround myself with friends that believed my future held another baby. And it did.<BR/>KAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16825229.post-1165898488582976392006-12-11T20:41:00.000-08:002006-12-11T20:41:00.000-08:00So deeply, wonderfully said. I groaned, ouloud.So deeply, wonderfully said. I groaned, ouloud.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com