Sunday, September 18, 2005

How to throw a smashing baby shower

  • Invite the mama's very eclectic mix of friends to mingle together in joy.
  • Somehow pull together an amazingly plentiful spread of food, including sweet, salty, fresh, colorful, and delicious.
  • Insist- inspite of everyone's mild protests - on playing just one game and promise everyone that there is a GREAT prize for the winner (causing the mama to wonder aloud if perhaps it is a dildo?) if they would please just play along and take a tiny blue pin and try not to say the word BABY.
  • Spit chardonnay on the first person to say 'BABY'; point, laugh, cheat.
  • Announce that the word 'vagina' should, in fact be mentioned frequently at the estrogen rich gathering.
  • Participate in ensuing conversation peppered with many mentions of the words 'naked, vagina, epidural'.
  • Create a mild scene when the preggo mama gasps sharply and covers mouth at the audible mention of the forbidden word, causing everyone to think she has gone into labor.
  • Suggest naming the baby 'Braxton-Hicks'.
  • Bring your best camera and take many many belly pictures from many many different angles, including one with many hands on the biggest belly.
  • Insist on everyone else baring their bellies along with the mama's for the best group photo ever.
  • Insist VEHEMENTLY that the biggest belly is the most beeyooootiful belly ever exposed to womankind.
  • Deteriorate rapidly into a heavily scrutinized and showy comparison of stretch marks and sagging asses.
  • Serve large bowls of creme puffs to distract everyone from the talk of stretch marks and sagging asses.
  • Shower the mama-to-be with wishes for the healthiest, best baby in the world, emphasized by confidence and punctuated with heartfelt tears.
  • Present the mama with hand made quilts, tiny soft blue outfits, fuzzy blankies, and -TA~DA - a video monitor so that afore-mentioned baby will never be out of surveillance range, AND a hand-sewn (yes, SEWN) tiny suit and helmet made from bubble wrap to cover ALL facets of overprotective motherhood...causing the mama to break down into convulsive fits of laughter that - once again - have many convinced she is going into labor.
  • Present the winner of the game with a gift that is indeed lovely, and is indeed not a dildo.
  • Convince the mama that she really does not resemble the bulgy-the-whale ride at the boardwalk, causing bulgy-the-mama to shed grateful tears.
  • Promise the mama to shower her AGAIN with homemade prepared meals and perfunctory baby adoration AFTER the blessed event.
  • Send the mama home, because really, people, a hormonal preggo chick can only take so much showering of vagina talk, creme puffs, affection, tears of joy, false labors, and kindness, at this estrogen-laden event.

25 comments:

Jim Naka said...

Hey, you have a great blog here! I'm definitely going to bookmark you! I have a cheap pc game site/blog. It pretty much covers cheap pc game related stuff.

bill naka said...

Your blog is excellent - keep it up! Don't miss visiting this site about wholesale gift. It pretty much covers wholesale gift related stuff.

cc Infopage said...

.

Games & PC Games News - Oct. 16, 2005


Is the PC game market? (Dallas Morning News)
The last few years have not been all fun and games for computer game fans, but that might be changing. As attention has shifted to sophisticated video game consoles such as the Xbox and PlayStation 2, PC gamers have watched their preferred platform wither.

Xbox 360's New Media Play Finding Fans (eWeek)
Consumers were impressed by the expanded multimedia features of Microsoft's upcoming Xbox 360 at the Digital Life conference, while gamers were excited to begin using the devices to access other types of services.

NewTek Releases Fifth Free Feature Update for LightWave 3D (Digital WebCast)
NewTek, Inc., manufacturer of industry-leading 3D animation and video products, today announced the release of the fifth free update and the 64-bit port for Emmy award-winning LightWave 3D . Version 8.5 offers hardware support of OpenGL 2.0, the new Multishift tool with editable history, Photoshop -style texture blending modes, improved dynamics, and easier integration of third-party file formats.

Free Anonymous Proxies

Infopage.cc: 30,000 updated Free Information Pages



Have a nice day,

jeepee

Anonymous said...

I'm new to blogging and I like you're one

I have a **christmas gift website** great gift website. It offers loads of great christmas gifts such as name a star, become a lord, pamper gifts, personalised gifts, all types of gadgets, gifts fo him and gifts for her

Come and check it out if you get time :-)

Anonymous said...

Hey, you have a great blog here! I'm definitely going to bookmark you!

I have a christmas gift site/blog. It pretty much covers gift ideas for christmas related stuff.

Come and check it out if you get time :-)

Admin said...

Great Video Game blog, thanks for letting me post a message. Great Job with your blog.

Thanks
game psp video

Anonymous said...

Hey, you have a great blog here! I'm definitely going to bookmark you!

I have a video games site/blog. It pretty much covers ##KEYWORD## related stuff.

Come and check it out if you get time :-)

Anonymous said...

Hey, you have a great blog here! I'm definitely going to bookmark you!

I have a dolphin t shirtcompany called Holden Tees. We're a small company and we sell shirts and stuff.

Come and check it out if you get time

-Holden Tees

wholesale said...

Good info

dropshipper said...

Good post

dropshiping said...

good information

Lori said...

My wife is going to have our child. She is concerned with geting stretch marks. So I am searching for information regarding them. Well, back to my search.
Thank you for the read,
treating stretch marks

Lori said...

Just did a google search and ran accross your site. I am out looking for and information regarding stretch marks and how to get rid of them. Nice Site.
laser stretch marks

mikepearce said...

Hello and thank you for the interesting read. I really enjoyed your blog and will be sure to come back.

Regards

How to get rid of stretch marks

Mike said...

Hello there,

Well done on such a great blog.

Keep it up.

Cheers

How to get rid of stretch marks

Darlene said...

Always in a rush and I don't know why. The last site I was on was about baby boy nursery idea which was okay to read. Your's was better.

toxic mold test said...

Warning...Warning.. Safety Tip of the WEEK...If you are having problems with colds and sickness in your home and you live in a moist wet ares of the country. Then you might want a toxic mold test .. If you see black dust looking stuff on your walls or around your bathtub,shower or sink then you probaly have a mold problem and need to get a toxic mold test . Dont panic and think you need to get a toxic mold test right away. You can use bleach to clean it up with some paper tools and then dispose of the towels a trash bag. If you need some more info visit http://moldinfo4u.com .. I hope you have a safe and sickness free home...

general contractors said...

How do I get information for general contractors... Some people believe that to create is great but build is like changing the past forever... If you want to create a beautiful home Visit general contractors and you can see what a little change can create..

Carnival said...

Hi, I was just wandering the blogosphere and here I am at your blog. I enjoy the style of how this all works.

This is one to watch.

Cheers,

Shower said...

Repairs start at $39.95 for Shower, Plumbing & Handyman Services.

Silver FOX Home Comfort Services offers a FULL SERVICE program to maintain one of your biggest investments - YOUR HOME! We offer a 'ONE CALL DOES IT ALL" concept allowing you - the home owner - the convenience of solving ALL your HOME'S needs by contacting your Silver Fox Independent Home Comfort Specialists.

Is your Shower giving you problems? Visit our website - we can help!

Anonymous said...

Hi, I was out blogging and found your site. It certainly got my attention and interest. I was looking for herb information and even though this isn't a perfect match I enjoyed your site. Thanks for the read!

Anonymous said...

Hi, I was out blogging and found your site. It certainly got my attention and interest. I was looking for dental information and even though this isn't a perfect match I enjoyed your site. Thanks for the read!

maverick said...

Hello,
I really enjoyed looking over your blog. I stumbled across it while I was looking for baby shower centerpiece to compare to some of the baby shower centerpiece I make. If you get a chance, go to www.diapergifts.com and let me know what you think. I will be coming back to vist your blog often. Good Luck!

remove stretch marks said...

Hi this a really interesting blog. .I have put together some articles on removing stretch marks that some other readers may like please let me know what you think - I think your blog is great !!

Anonymous said...

Here is an introduction to the world of info search. Read the complete article to get the full introduction.