Sunday, August 21, 2011

Malcolm vs. Vacuum

Never gets old...
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Saturday, August 20, 2011

Now THIS is Singing in the Shower

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Malcolm vs. Egg

Scintillating action.

And pay no attention to the mess behind the egg-maiming dog.
I just found a box of pictures which need wall space. Don't believe me?
Check out this one, which was in the small town newspaper when I was four:

I was hoping that Desi, our standard poodle (!) would take me for a ride, so I hitched up my training wheels. Yeah, I was pretty awesome when I was four.

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Wednesday, August 17, 2011


Malcolm almost always wins!

This one is for his mum and pa, as they are exploring the great east side of the great Sierras.
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Thursday, August 11, 2011

Bubbles is...a violinist...

...on his way to learning 'Twinkle Twinkle'!
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Sunday, August 07, 2011

Bubbles' Welcome Home From BlogHer Dance

The boy could have busted a move at Sparklecorn and CheeseburgHer.
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CheeseburgHer BlogHer 11

Turn your sound DOWN.
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Saturday, August 06, 2011

Megan BlogHer 11

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Sheila BlogHer 11

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Yvonne BlogHer 11

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Pat BlogHer 11

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Sarah and JonnaBeth BlogHer 11

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Amber BlogHer 11

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Claire BlogHer 11

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stephanie blog her 11

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just another mommy blog

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Friday, August 05, 2011

xgames LA

This was insane.
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Monday, August 01, 2011

Supergirl is 10!

YThis little girl has had quite the life.  Some of this life has been far too much for any child of this age to have to experience.
One thing I can say for certain about  this girl is that she is most passionate about life. She is passionate about the good, she is passionate about the bad.

And this year, this very year in which she turned 10, this very little girl who earned the nickname, 'super'.....
Well, this year, my little girl sprouted wings.

Soar high, my love.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Inappropriately Excessively Fun Pool Time

Today we went to The Pool.

There was a stop involved, before The Trip to The Pool.

We picked up some noodles.

Friend + Self + 4 kids + 4 noodles = inappropriately excessive pool fun.

For instance, Friend and Self could be heard to utter any of the following phrases at any time during our pool time:

Put that noodle down.

Keep your noodle to yourself.

Nobody wants to be whacked with your noodle.

Stop poking your noodle into other people, or I will have to remove your noodle.

I don't care why you just knocked a glass off of the table; 'My noodle just got too big' is not a very good reason for losing control of your noodle.

Put your noodle down in the car; it's dangerous to go waving your noodle around when people are driving.

If you don't stop touching his noodle, I will take all the noodles away from everyone!

I am not sure how I feel about everyone having noodles.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Worthy (of historical moments) Conversations

On a recent drive home from a windy beach outing with old friends:

Bubbles: Supergirl, I think you're gonna marry Henry.
Supergirl: Oh YEAH??? Then you are gonna marry Davey and be GAY!
Bubbles and Davey: ........
Bubbles: No I'm NOT! I'm not gonna marry Davey!
Because I'm gonna marry Mama!!

Yesterday, in the Yard:

Mom: Owl, did you hit Bubbles with a sword?
Owl: NO!!!
Mom: Then why did you run away?
Owl: Because I didn't like the NOISE!!
Mom: What noise?
Owl: The CRYING noise!
Mom: Who was crying?
Owl: Bubbles.
Mom: Why was he crying?
Owl: Because I hit him with a sword!

Tuesday, May 10, 2011


Again comes the Spring....again comes the day.
'The Season of Grief', to which I have often referred any significant occurrence during this time.

It's been seven years.

7 years since the pediatrician denied the request for admitting him into the hospital. It was 'only bronchitis and not pneumonia'. She was right. But bronchitis can kill a child who has detrimentally developmental issues, and/or hypotonia....and it did. His weakened little body could not possibly come up with the resources required to clear one's own lungs.
And bronchitis did kill.
My son.

After he died, someone told me not to make any Big Decisions within a year....and I didn't.
After he died, someone told me that it would take 3 yrs and 3 days to 'recover' from my grief.
After he died, someone told me that I needed to 'just let go'....
After he died, my life took on

This is my history.
This is my life.

This is Ours to share or not.

I don't mean to get all.....
overly poignant....

But this day was the day I said


And I am still sorry.
Because if a parent cannot keep their child alive, then what worth do they have??

But I am here.
And I am parent,mother,doctor,paper.

I am everything to them, I am nothing.

I have ashes in my cupboard.

I will survive this, because I choose now...

to LIVE it.

I will not passively let this day pass me by.

I will live it.

I will live every moment of it.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

He will never turn eight.

Tomorrow is Elijah's birthday.
He's not turning eight this year.

Tomorrow, Supergirl is also debuting as a flower in her school's production of 'The Wizard of Oz'. It's a big deal, if you didn't know. FYI, the flowers are the very ones who greet Dorothy when she arrives in Munchkinland.

And Bubbles?
He is doing just fine. He's working on distinguishing the differences between 'w', 'l' and 'r', and we are coming along nicely. He also loves music and has developed a recent interest in show tunes.

When I tell you that my son died (almost) 7 years ago, I expect you to understand, at this point, that this is just part of our family history. He's just like Supergirl and Bubbles. He lived in our family.
I am the mama of three.
I will also expect you, as a decent and selfless human being, to allow me to talk about THAT son and the things I miss about him.
At any time.
Without offending or skeeving you out.
I am the mama of three.

At this point, it's not too much to ask.

Because I really, really, REALLY miss him.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Acupuncture Saved Me Again

It isn't like it hadn't been recommended before.
It had...come had...been suggested.

You know, you are carrying an overwhelming burden. Self-care is important. You are doing a great job caring for the children. You need to take some measures to reduce this amount of stress for yourself while protecting them from it all.... It's too much. What has happened could put anyone on the edge, let alone someone with the cumulative amount of shit you have had to wade through recently. This hits it out of the ballpark. Do something. Here are some numbers.

Yes!! Thank you for the great suggestions. I will just reach into my overdrawn bank account and pay a practitioner to help me.

But then the fabulous suggestion turned into a strong recommendation. One might even call it an insistence. Which manifested as a high-five and a heartfelt agreement.

Fine, I agreed. I took the numbers and called.
And I couldn't believe it when I called....was this for real????
Acupuncture on a sliding scale for $25 low end????

It's been rough here.
We're up; we're down.
Up was feeling so good.
Then: Unimaginable Pitfall
Too much.
Piled on.
Too much to digest.
Too much.

So I realized I had no more excuses. I had to go and try it out.
I hadn't been to acupuncture in more than a year, and this was a new practitioner.

It was a slightly different treatment than I remembered with the previous LAC, whom I saw for nearly 10 years - this guy tapped the needles in a bit more...err...firmly? I felt it, but it wasn't exactly a definable pain... and then he gave them a distinct twist, which felt like an electrical charge, which made me jump only twice. Or cringe. Or twitch. Any one of those is acceptable.
I was skeptical.
Then I was left to relax with those needles. I was glad for the blanket I had first politely refused - the needles can make you cold! Warm enough, I started to actually relax.
I breathed.
I thought.
I tried not to think so I could relax.
I remembered how badly I suck at meditation.
I tried breathing and tried to not remember how badly I suck anymore.
I think it must have worked to relax me.
Then I cried.
I don't like this bit.
But it wasn't overwhelming snot-wracked sobs or anything.
Just some quiet streaming tears.
I didn't like it a bit.
But yeah, I cried.

And you know what?

I am going back.

Friday, February 25, 2011

Apraxia in Action; Continued....AGAIN

I Rearned my Rifter sounds!!!

You Learned your Lifter sounds??

I can say PLLLLay! not just PRay!

Honey, I am so proud of you!! You can do your lifter sounds!!


Okay, Babe - we'll work on that!

Saturday, February 19, 2011


No, I don't even live in Tahoe - just 12 miles from the California coast! It's all about the elevation. We have some.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Unsilenced, forevermore

I have to say.

I am feeling exposed and unheard. Not here - because I am no longer at liberty to share my truth here....for now - but here's what else I have to say:

That's a huge improvement over being silenced.

Because he can try and silence me, but unless he strangles me, I will be heard.

Because I am no longer his.

Wednesday, February 09, 2011

I'll say it until it's heard. That's conviction, sir.

The following is why it pays to have paid for transcripts (when there was such a thing as a family court reporter):

THE RESPONDENT: I wasn't permitted by law to be at that residence or remove/retrieve my belongings at that time.

THE COURT (akaThe Presiding ever-changing-at-any-moment-but consistent-at-this-point-in-time, Judge S.): "Because of your conduct which led to the CLETS order, Am I getting that wrong?"
THE RESPONDENT: Yes, you are.
THE COURT: You didn't get arrested and convicted?
THE RESPONDENT: No. I was not convicted of a domestic violence. I plead no contest to disturbing peace.





THE COURT: You are on formal probation?
THE COURT: Domestic violence counseling?
THE COURT: A 52 week program?
THE COURT: You are on three years formal probation ?
THE COURT: That's conviction, sir.

That's conviction, sir.