Sunday, August 21, 2011
Saturday, August 20, 2011
And pay no attention to the mess behind the egg-maiming dog.
I just found a box of pictures which need wall space. Don't believe me?
Check out this one, which was in the small town newspaper when I was four:
I was hoping that Desi, our standard poodle (!) would take me for a ride, so I hitched up my training wheels. Yeah, I was pretty awesome when I was four.
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Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Sunday, August 07, 2011
Saturday, August 06, 2011
Friday, August 05, 2011
Monday, August 01, 2011
YThis little girl has had quite the life. Some of this life has been far too much for any child of this age to have to experience.
One thing I can say for certain about this girl is that she is most passionate about life. She is passionate about the good, she is passionate about the bad.
And this year, this very year in which she turned 10, this very little girl who earned the nickname, 'super'.....
Well, this year, my little girl sprouted wings.
Soar high, my love.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
There was a stop involved, before The Trip to The Pool.
We picked up some noodles.
Friend + Self + 4 kids + 4 noodles = inappropriately excessive pool fun.
For instance, Friend and Self could be heard to utter any of the following phrases at any time during our pool time:
Put that noodle down.
Keep your noodle to yourself.
Nobody wants to be whacked with your noodle.
Stop poking your noodle into other people, or I will have to remove your noodle.
I don't care why you just knocked a glass off of the table; 'My noodle just got too big' is not a very good reason for losing control of your noodle.
Put your noodle down in the car; it's dangerous to go waving your noodle around when people are driving.
If you don't stop touching his noodle, I will take all the noodles away from everyone!
I am not sure how I feel about everyone having noodles.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Bubbles: Supergirl, I think you're gonna marry Henry.
Supergirl: Oh YEAH??? Then you are gonna marry Davey and be GAY!
Bubbles and Davey: ........
Bubbles: No I'm NOT! I'm not gonna marry Davey!
Because I'm gonna marry Mama!!
Yesterday, in the Yard:
Mom: Owl, did you hit Bubbles with a sword?
Mom: Then why did you run away?
Owl: Because I didn't like the NOISE!!
Mom: What noise?
Owl: The CRYING noise!
Mom: Who was crying?
Mom: Why was he crying?
Owl: Because I hit him with a sword!
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
'The Season of Grief', to which I have often referred any significant occurrence during this time.
It's been seven years.
7 years since the pediatrician denied the request for admitting him into the hospital. It was 'only bronchitis and not pneumonia'. She was right. But bronchitis can kill a child who has detrimentally developmental issues, and/or hypotonia....and it did. His weakened little body could not possibly come up with the resources required to clear one's own lungs.
And bronchitis did kill.
After he died, someone told me not to make any Big Decisions within a year....and I didn't.
After he died, someone told me that it would take 3 yrs and 3 days to 'recover' from my grief.
After he died, someone told me that I needed to 'just let go'....
After he died, my life took on
This is my history.
This is my life.
This is Ours to share or not.
I don't mean to get all.....
But this day was the day I said
And I am still sorry.
Because if a parent cannot keep their child alive, then what worth do they have??
But I am here.
And I am parent,mother,doctor,paper.
I am everything to them, I am nothing.
I have ashes in my cupboard.
I will survive this, because I choose now...
to LIVE it.
I will not passively let this day pass me by.
I will live it.
I will live every moment of it.
Sunday, April 03, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Tomorrow is Elijah's birthday.
He's not turning eight this year.
Tomorrow, Supergirl is also debuting as a flower in her school's production of 'The Wizard of Oz'. It's a big deal, if you didn't know. FYI, the flowers are the very ones who greet Dorothy when she arrives in Munchkinland.
He is doing just fine. He's working on distinguishing the differences between 'w', 'l' and 'r', and we are coming along nicely. He also loves music and has developed a recent interest in show tunes.
When I tell you that my son died (almost) 7 years ago, I expect you to understand, at this point, that this is just part of our family history. He's just like Supergirl and Bubbles. He lived in our family.
I am the mama of three.
I will also expect you, as a decent and selfless human being, to allow me to talk about THAT son and the things I miss about him.
At any time.
Without offending or skeeving you out.
I am the mama of three.
At this point, it's not too much to ask.
Because I really, really, REALLY miss him.
Monday, March 14, 2011
It had...come up...it had...been suggested.
You know, you are carrying an overwhelming burden. Self-care is important. You are doing a great job caring for the children. You need to take some measures to reduce this amount of stress for yourself while protecting them from it all.... It's too much. What has happened could put anyone on the edge, let alone someone with the cumulative amount of shit you have had to wade through recently. This hits it out of the ballpark. Do something. Here are some numbers.
Yes!! Thank you for the great suggestions. I will just reach into my overdrawn bank account and pay a practitioner to help me.
But then the fabulous suggestion turned into a strong recommendation. One might even call it an insistence. Which manifested as a high-five and a heartfelt agreement.
Fine, I agreed. I took the numbers and called.
And I couldn't believe it when I called....was this for real????
Acupuncture on a sliding scale for $25 low end????
It's been rough here.
We're up; we're down.
Up was feeling so good.
Then: Unimaginable Pitfall
Too much to digest.
So I realized I had no more excuses. I had to go and try it out.
I hadn't been to acupuncture in more than a year, and this was a new practitioner.
It was a slightly different treatment than I remembered with the previous LAC, whom I saw for nearly 10 years - this guy tapped the needles in a bit more...err...firmly? I felt it, but it wasn't exactly a definable pain... and then he gave them a distinct twist, which felt like an electrical charge, which made me jump only twice. Or cringe. Or twitch. Any one of those is acceptable.
I was skeptical.
Then I was left to relax with those needles. I was glad for the blanket I had first politely refused - the needles can make you cold! Warm enough, I started to actually relax.
I tried not to think so I could relax.
I remembered how badly I suck at meditation.
I tried breathing and tried to not remember how badly I suck anymore.
I think it must have worked to relax me.
Then I cried.
I don't like this bit.
But it wasn't overwhelming snot-wracked sobs or anything.
Just some quiet streaming tears.
I didn't like it a bit.
But yeah, I cried.
And you know what?
IT FELT GREAT.
I am going back.
Friday, February 25, 2011
You Learned your Lifter sounds??
I can say PLLLLay! not just PRay!
Honey, I am so proud of you!! You can do your lifter sounds!!
Yes Mama, I ROVE YOUR JOB TOO. I ROVE YOU!!
Okay, Babe - we'll work on that!
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Thursday, February 17, 2011
I am feeling exposed and unheard. Not here - because I am no longer at liberty to share my truth here....for now - but here's what else I have to say:
That's a huge improvement over being silenced.
Because he can try and silence me, but unless he strangles me, I will be heard.
Because I am no longer his.
Wednesday, February 09, 2011
THE RESPONDENT: I wasn't permitted by law to be at that residence or remove/retrieve my belongings at that time.
THE COURT (akaThe Presiding ever-changing-at-any-moment-but consistent-at-this-point-in-time, Judge S.): "Because of your conduct which led to the CLETS order, Am I getting that wrong?"
THE RESPONDENT: Yes, you are.
THE COURT: You didn't get arrested and convicted?
THE RESPONDENT: No. I was not convicted of a domestic violence. I plead no contest to disturbing peace.
THE COURT: You are on formal probation?
THE RESPONDENT: Yes, I am.
THE COURT: Domestic violence counseling?
THE RESPONDENT: Yes.
THE COURT: A 52 week program?
THE RESPONDENT: Yes.
THE COURT: You are on three years formal probation ?
THE RESPONDENT: yes,sir.
THE COURT: That's conviction, sir.
That's conviction, sir.