Friday, March 03, 2006

when a 4 yr old's nap goes bad

Supergirl, upon waking from an enviable nap, attempts to dress herself in a teeny tiny sundress period. In another glimpse at freak california coastal mountain winter, it snowed today, so I suggested that she find something to wear under or over the lovely garment.
This was her response:
Surlygirl: (shouting)This is a problem!! I don't want to wear something warmer with this and I don't want to change!! I want to wear this dress and I am not comfortable!!!!
Gwendomama: I wish I was a faerie to take away all your problems and make it all work out perfectly.
SG: I am glad you are not a a faerie because I HATE faeries and I don't even BELIEVE in them for REAL!!
GM: Wow, I hope the faeries didn't hear you say that.
GM: I said I hope the faeries didn't hear you say that you hate them. Not cool.
SG: I HATE YOU!!!! (no, she has never said this before)
GM: (calmly, I swear) If you are going to say that could you say it a little more quietly? Your brother is trying to nap.
SG: (hiss) I HATE YOU!!!!
GM: That's a little better. But really you should say 'I don't care for something' instead of 'I hate'. And, just so you know, if you said that to anyone else it would earn you a time out. But since it was me and I know you are being ridiculous, you're off the hook.
GM: I don't care for ridiculous.

What would YOU have done?!


misskrob said...

I would have done the same thing. This is SUCH a hard thing to hear for the first time. I have only heard it less than a handfull of times from my two. They are 12 and 15 years old, so that's saying something.

It is natural. It isn't fun, though. Staying calm and not letting her get the reaction she was looking for was perfect. The messages you are sending are right on. You think that they don't hear you, but they do. You become that little voice in the back of their heads. They don't know where that voice came from. It came from you.

Remember that you are raising a person, not a child. What they do as children is not what they will do as grown ups. I know that because mine are almost adults and by god, they are doing things that I told them about YEARS ago.

Here's the thing, though. I've never dealt with a girl. Mine are both boys. As much as I hate to say it, they are, in fact, different. Girls express emotions differently. They have different needs, different ways of looking at things. That's what makes the world beautiful. Our differences.

Hang in there Mom!

candy said...

Well my Supergirl is 15 years old now, and has been replaced with an alien. I used to know this person. Clearly, her body has been invaded by a snatcher.

In any event, she used to tell me she hated me all the time. In trying to remember why or how it ended, I know there were a couple of things I did.

One was, whenever she said it, I'd say something like, "No, you don't hate me, you hate what I did or said. It's ok to hate behavior, but it hurts my feelings to hear you hate me."

I'm also not above crying in front of them when they've hurt my feelings. I think it's important for them to know you're a human being and that their actions and comments have consequences.

You of course know she doesn't mean it, but it still hurts to hear it. Just only gets "better" from here :)

Jenijen said...

You did better than I would have!! I think you are absolutely on the right track.

Anonymous said...

Gmama, you handled that with the grace and dignity that I hope to someday develop!!

Anonymous said...

when my almost 3yr old girl told me for the first time... I laughed at her and told her that if that's the case she wouldn't mind if I didn't throw her a birthday party.... she quickly changed her mind! But yes it is the hardest thing to hear for the first time.

Anonymous said...

Me? I woulda sold her to the gypsies. Rest assured, that is why I don't have children...

dee-dee said...

I can't stop laughing! I can just see her in the "too small outfit" going on and on...I think she was still in "la la land" from the nap! She probably doesn't remember any of it! You handled it always mama!

Anonymous said...

The first time Jarod said that (and he's only done that twice), I just smiled and said, "no matter what you feel, I will aways love you." About five minutes later he was in tears and hugging me.

*sigh* it was still shocking to hear. Hey, can you send me an email, I have some questions about health care coverage for pregnancy for single moms. you can find me at egret @ lothlorien . com - Rachel Rischpater