Monday, May 08, 2006

National Death Month

I'm not myself. I've been kidnapped by my emotions for national death month.
A favorite aunt died a week ago. A lovely, cool, artistic, fabulous woman.I can't even come up with the words to do her life justice.
On May11th it will have been two years since Elijah died. Oh yes, and coincidentally the 10 year anniversary of my favorite uncle's death. They died on the same day. Eight years apart.
Then I have mothers day to deal with....which has become a horribly grim day for me, since it was the day I took Elijah to our trusted pediatrician and asked if perhaps he should be admitted...he looked pretty sick.
We were sent home. He died the next night.
There is so much more to it, of course, so much more I want to say about him. But this is a hard time of year for me to get the words out. And so many feelings I want to talk to my therapist about. But oh! yeah! She died too...a year ago.
Shit.
So I have few words to form these days...what, between the parenting and the back-to-working and the (nasty, pervasive, and inconvenient) grief. I think it will pass after this dreaded anniversary. The lack of words, that is.
We are taking an adventure; I need to get away for this day.


This picture of sweet Elijah taken May 5th, 2004. The last picture ever taken.


I miss my tiny boy.


I miss my tiny boy.

3 comments:

Lin said...

What a beautiful little boy. How could you not miss him. Thank you for introducing me to Baby Elijah. I'm just so sorry that his frailities didn't allow him to be with you longer.

Mary Tsao said...

Sorry this month is so heavy for you, Gwen. I hope the road trip helped get your mind off things.

Elijah was a beautiful boy.

The kids were sick today and we missed music (again). I hope we make it next week; I miss doing music with you!

Jenijen said...

It's so good you were able to get away for a bit. I'd love to see you when you are home and settled if you're up for it. Music class? I'm interested in music class.