Tuesday, April 28, 2009


No, I am NOT comparing myself to a Holocaust victim. Context, people.
Former Dh and his sister's mother IS an actual, real, live Holocaust survivor. She is an amazing woman, however her own ghosts have certainly influenced her parenting and survival in this lifetime. I have real, genuine empathy for their family, as second generation survivors of the Holocaust.

Dear You Know Who You Are:

I would just like to be the first to let you know that it will be a long very long time before you see my children again.

You see, I have thought about this for many hours, nocturnal and otherwise, and I have come to the same conclusion each time: You betrayed me in a way which I not only find very difficult to forgive, but also in a way that women should never have to describe against their trusted women friends.
I trusted you so very much; I trusted you with my babies' very lives until you threatened my own.

I could have forgiven the verbal attack.
But you witnessed me being hurt.
You witnessed me being bruised and violated.
You witnessed me being choked.
You refused to call help for me, though I begged you and even reminded you of the number in case you had forgotten; 911.
The phone was next to you - on the table.
I couldn't reach it.
But you could.

You let my child witness a violent act, and you alone decided to let him witness it.
You are a broken and sad woman.

I have tried to recreate a path of empathy for your family; I have begun to educate myself on the second generation Holocaust victims' paths and struggles, and I hope that you can do the same.

I have sadness for you, but I also have fear.

You have made a grave error.


Rachel Inbar said...

I'm sorry, VERY LONG is WAY TOO GENEROUS. She is partner in his crime and the police should be on her case.

I am so incredibly sorry that, beyond his betrayal, you've been betrayed in this way.

Is there anything someone on the other side of the world can do to help?

Rachel (in Israel)

Monica said...

Good for you. Nobody should stand idly by and watch abuse happen.

furiousBall said...

terrible amiga, sorry to hear this happened

Tracey - Just Another Mommy Blog said...

Gwen, I had no idea the situation was SO serious and that someone could have helped you. I'm making an assumption as to who she was and my assumed person had NO excuse to not help!

Remember that no matter how rocky and scary things are, it won't always be this way.


Headless Mom said...

(((hugs))) I'm sorry you're going through all of this sh##. I'm wishing I could be doing more.

Shea's Mom said...

Holy Shiza! What sort of @#$% up person would do that?

If I was there I would have called the coppers and then taken a 2x4 to his noggin!

Not that violence is the answer for violence but sometimes it is the only thing that will stop a perp.

So sad. Wish I could help. Hang in there, dear.

InTheFastLane said...

That is almost worse that the actual attack. To not help? To do nothing?!! OMG! I am stunned.

Anonymous said...

Who was this b*tch? OMG. To sit and witness violence, to let A CHILD witness violence. There are NO WORDS.


I would let the police know her name.

What a mess. A sad, preventable mess.

You will be ok, but what a mess.

MFA Mama said...

I never liked her.

I also think "VERY long" is way too generous. In HIS case, he is sick and broken and we don't like him at all, but he IS their father and as much as I hate it, for BOTH of us my friend, that is important. He may not deserve to know THEM, but THEY deserve to know HIM (with the caveat that it has to be safe for them). SHE on the other hand? I'm sorry, her relationship to them is not recognized or protected in a court of law, her love for them, such as it is, is clearly eclipsed by her brokenness, and her moral turpitude (oh yes I DID bust that one out) renders her unfit company for children. There may come a point in time when whether or not she sees them is beyond your control (if he ever gets his act together enough for a judge to let him have them unsupervised) and then you may have a lot of "sucking it up" to do, but unless and until that day? I don't think she needs, ought, or deserves to have ANY contact with your kids. For their sake, for your sake, and FUCK her sake. My two cents.

maybaby said...

"broken and sad" is generous, it sounds like to me.

I'm so sorry that you're in this place...but you won't always be in it.

She, however, sounds as though she is stuck there.

Miss Grace said...

Keep those babies safe. That's the most important thing.

badgermama said...

Thanks for posting this and the other difficult things you've written about. I have to say I agree with others in comments, she should get charged with being an accessory to the attack.

I'm so sorry all this happened, it really, really deeply sucks. violence is such a betrayal of human relationships.

Denise said...

I guess My original comment got deleted? Maybe because I was so mad and cussed alot. Either way I am so so sorry that this happened to you. There is never an excuse for domestic violence, let alone for a child to see it. I should know because I was that child. Hugs to you babe. Oh and i will refrain from saying what I said before about this so called friend. Just know I might made a doll and poke pins at it for you.

Sophie said...

Appalled. Disgusted. Speechless.

Anonymous said...

This person was an accessory to this crime (and yes this is a serious crime) for doing nothing. You say it will be "a long time" before this person will see the children? If they could witness this and do nothng why would you EVER allow this piece of crap person to EVER see the kids again? Get away from his entire family. They sound crazy.

Children witnessing abuse is horrid. Don't let them grow up like this. Break the vicious cycle of their crazy ass father and give them a chance at a normal future.