Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Quiet Observation

"Mama, how old would Elijah be next month if he was still alive?"

"Seven."

"Would he be in a wheelchair?"

"I don't know honey. Probably."

"Would he go to my school? I bet he would."
(note: although there are children of different ability at her school, none of them uses a wheelchair)

"I really don't know, Supergirl."

"Would other people make fun of him? I wouldn't let them, you know. They probably wouldn't at my school, anyway."

This went on for a short while, the asking and self-answering of questions.
I thought about how sweet it was, this dreaming that I had done for years causing me nothing but pain, and here she was....just wondering, just dreaming...no pain attached to her speculation at all. No judgment, just wondering.
I noticed that I shared the wondering with her. No pain. Just wondering for a moment.
How far we have come.

16 comments:

furiousBall said...

that's growth. good job both of you :)

Squid said...

Loverly. *sniff*

maplesyrup said...

So sweet and wonderful. Love.

Sophie said...

Sniff!

xx

mamadaisy said...

XO

Tracey - Just Another Mommy Blog said...

I'm glad you guys can have a conversation about him in an everyday kind of way. Hugs, babe.

Just Breathe said...

That is so beautiful and of course also so sad. ((HUGS))

jennyalice said...

long road...precious stop.


hugs to you.

julia said...

I love that girl...
And congratulations on progressing so far on your journey.

collywobble said...

Grief is a really difficult, long, and sometimes lonely road. I'm just a quiet lurker around these parts and just wanted to say it's nice to sometimes think about him and not want to just fall apart, isn't it? :-)

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Miss Grace said...

Sniffly sniffle

NG said...

It kind of just becomes a part of you, doesn't it?

WarsawMommy said...

Oh, my. My heart just broke a little bit, then swelled with joy.

This sounds like the beginning of inner peace.

Anonymous said...

My son wonders about his "baby sister" too. He tells me what toys he would have shared with her, and today he told me "Mama, I would even share a cookie!" in that voice that says he is REALLY being serious. I sort of smile and cry at the same time when this happens.

Sometimes one of the hardest things is looking at a sibling and thinking how good a brother or sister they would have been, isn't it?

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