Monday, May 03, 2010

In Which I Attempt to Sell Myself out for a Mom Car:

So here I go, whoring myself out on the innernets......

Bottom line:

Gwendomama needs a mini-van.

Yes. I do.

Most of you know that Xdude left me with about 4k debt along with some bruises.
There was an amazing fundraising (I bow to you, Shannon) movement, and my family was able to stay in our house because of you.
Now it's a matter of staying in our state.

In November, Xdude was ordered by a judge to begin paying child support in December (noting that he had not volunteered a cent until being ordered by a judge to do so). He ignored the amount ordered for both children and decided to just pay whatever he wanted, which is half of what he was ordered to pay. So he pays about $250/month/per child, which is embarrassingly insufficient in this area of the country. Except I spend approximately $125/month driving them to and from visitation, so it's more like $187.50/month/per child.

Xdude continues to ignore child support obligations, and has also continued to ignore my many pleas, my attorney's negotiations, and the Judge's stern recommendation that he sign over his interest in the car. See, the car is in his name, yet it has already been proven in court that I own 50% of it. Yes, I am embarrassed to tell you that I allowed him to keep the car in his name alone, but not nearly as embarrassed as I was telling you that I allowed the situation of power and control to get to a point where he attempted to kill me (or at least scare me into submission by choking me?) a year ago.

I recently moved into a wonderful little dollhouse owned by friends, who are allowing me to work some of the rent off in childcare trade. I am trying to work as much as possible - even when my children are with me, and I have a number of other families who are interested in paying me to do after school care as well. But I have 'his' damn car- which I hate and it only has three seats suitable for children, as the passenger seat airbag cannot be turned off manually. My children take up two of those seats.
I have explained this to the Judge; Xdude totally knows I want a larger car just so I can work more and do what he is not doing - support our children. (He does, however, live in a fabulously large house.)

Even the Judge pointed out that I needed a mini-van to work more and why would he sabotage my efforts to work more when it could result in a higher child support payment from him. But Xdude feels he is above the law and doesn't need to pay any more child support than he wants he remains unmoved by any requests or persuasion.
I can't sell the car for a mini-van unless he signs over the title.
Nope, he just won't.
He feels no compulsion to do the right thing for his children, because he is incapable of seeing beyond his own anger and vitriol.

I need a mini-van.
If you live in California and can afford to part with a mini-van, please consider me.
I have a friend who can work on Toyotas if it needs work...he is willing to help too.
Maybe you are willing to sell me the van for a low monthly payment and I will turn whatever I get (when he finally DOES sign it over....justice will be served eventually but the wheels of justice are powered by a 2 yr old on a tricycle) over to you when I can sell this damn car.

If you can sell me a mini-van SO VERY CHEAP or consider me a worthy cause for a charitable donation, I will be ever so grateful. I will make you cupcakes. Or chocolate sushi!! Yes, you will certainly be worthy of the chocolate sushi!

Yes, you are right - he SHOULD pay for his kids. Why should I have to ask YOU to help?

Well.....I hate to beg, but I am watching my California residential status become less and less realistic. I can't count on Xdude for anything except a constant argument.
I need to support these kids, I am trying to maintain our family in this area, and he is trying to sabotage any efforts I make to try and get ahead. I am going to go hurl up the last little bit of pride I had.

3/5/10 EDITOR'S NOTE: Okay, there is kindness in this world.
Some of you asked me to put up a donation button, and now I have.


Pamela said...

Oh, mama. I had all kinds of things to say, but they flew out of my head when I saw my word... you know... down there...


Prayers for you that somebody makes him pay up, and soon.

Headless Mom said...

1-How long until they will garnish wages?
2-I'll keep my ear to the ground for a van. Ya never know, right?

Anne said...

gah.. what an ass.. but we all already know that. i don't have a car (and i live in RI.. ) but if you do another fundraiser i can chip in to that.. and i wish you lived closer.. i'm paying $300 a week for childcare for my 2.. i'd rather give that to you or someone like you than the place we're at now..

maplesyrup said...

Why haven't his wages been garnished? If you need help, I know an excellent lawyer and some ladies down at CPS.

furiousBall said...

as a divorced dad, this is infuriating for me to read. how is it that some men (and women) just flat-out lack the wiring to understand they need to take CARE OF THEIR KIDS!

lots of love to you chica, if you need anything, yell at me.

Suki said...

X-dude just drives me up the wall and I don't even "know" the guy. I can only imagine how crazy he must make you. I live all the way across the country, but I am going to brainstorm and see if I can come up with a way to help. At the very least, I will be throwing lots of positive energy for a resolution your way. And if you do decide to have some sort of fundraiser, I will be all over that!

If X-dude is reading these comments, here's one just for him: Dude, why don't you meditate for a whole on why total strangers care more about the well being of your children than you do?

AZ Mommy said...

Why do you have to drive the kids to see the douchebag? (sorry in my book he is not even worthy of title of X-dude) He can't drive? He is an ass who needs the crap beat out him, or you know someone to put him in a full nelson.
Wish I could do more to help you.

jw said...

It would certainly be a shame if the car, say, caught FIRE or rolled off a cliff mysteriously one night all by itself....

By the way, I want a Deer Phone, too Bubbles!

gwendomama said...

A full nelson would probably help a little bit...DCSS has now opened a case on him and is pursuing it but it took so long because our state goes after then people who pay 'nothing' first. He was clever enough to stall them with partial payments. But that fun is over.
They can't garnish wages which he is hiding. He 'lost' his regular paying job just weeks after being ordered to pay child support. He contracts and hides money. He hid it from me for years when we were together.
I recall a trip to HI years ago in which I was expected to pay for and paid for 1/2 the trip. I was 5 mos post partum and part time working. I found out a year later that he was making 4x what I was making.
I think he thinks DCSS will go after 'his' asset, being the CAR and then he will he like 'ohwell have it' but what he doesn't realize is they cannot take property away from me which is protected on the restraining order. So he continues to stonewall me on this - EVEN THOUGH THOUSANDS in back support has already been ordered. He won't sign it over - doesn't care about the safety and well being of his children.

Another Suburban Mom said...

He should do the right thing, but that would be impossible.

I wish you had a paypal button, I would totally throw in a few for the car fund.

Or the hitman fund.

Lex - @laprimera said...

Fuck! I can so relate. My exdouche is "self-emplyed" and only pays me when he "can." Which is LAST on his list of priorities. I'm so sorry I don't have a van to give/sell you. I wish I did. And? I agree that you should stop driving. Make him do it. I know easier said than done. I still drive my kids too. Will keep an ear out for a solution for you!

gwendomama said...

OKay I did it. Thank you, everyone. Somewhere there is a van out there which wants to come live here....

Anonymous said...

If I were you I would move close to family (if that's possible) and get all the support you need, provided you have a good relationship with them. California is expensive. Perhaps a move to a cheaper state would help?

Best wishes & good luck!

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