Tuesday, October 20, 2009

In Honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month

To the abuser;
If you want to apologize to your victim, I mean really apologize (as in, 'you have genuine feelings of remorse'), here is my advice to you.
  1. Do not ever follow up your apology with a 'but...', thus rendering it no longer valid.
  2. Do not go on to say - yet again - that your actions were defensive. Unless someone was hurting you physically, threatening you with a weapon, or physically hurting another person, your actions were not defensive. 2.a) Chasing someone into a house to violently grab them, shake them, keep them from leaving a room, bruise, batter and choke (twice) does not meet this criteria of 'defensive behavior'.
  3. #2 actually takes what you may have convinced yourself was intended to be an apology, and turns it into just a really complicated and pathetic defense for your violence.
  4. Do not confuse the word 'battery' with 'restraint'. (See 2.a)) I know that's a tough one, but it's not restraint when you chase someone who is trying to get away from you. In any reality.
  5. Do not confuse the term 'battery' with 'grabbing and/or holding' someone.
  6. Do not confuse claiming 'remorse' for actions with 'regret' for having a consequence. They are not one in the same.
  7. Do not continue to emotionally abuse your victim via following up the apology defense with a novel's worth of manipulative lies.


foxyenglishcrafter said...

Love this post. Well written and well said.

vevice said...

It's amazing how many abuse cases are the same. How many abusers behave the same, use the same defenses. It sucks how much the victims (I hate that word. so. much.) feel alone.
I was unaware it was Domestic Violence Awareness Month until three days after I was abused. A woman was sitting at a table inside the grocery store handing out information. She stopped me as I was bringing in my two children, both under five, ushering them inside to get some things we needed, alone, as my husband had been removed from our house the day before.
She started with asking if we wanted any information, saying that it was Domestic Violence Awareness Month. I heard, "Well, that's ironic!" Shit. That was me. I just said that out loud, didn't I? I apologized and she was forgiving (thank you, kind lady) and gave my kids each a bobble head pen and told me she hoped that things got better for me.

Thanks for making me feel a little less alone. <3

Al_Pal said...



good PSA.

Blaize said...

All right. I am going to study magic until I am able to summon hellfire. That'll do the trick.

Anonymous said...

It sounds like he is Borderline (BPD).
Great post!

Steve said...

Well said, Gwen. I hadn't been on your blog for some time and wanted to see how things were going regarding this. You might remember me.

He is a coward and that is how cowards think and behave. Lies and manipulation of facts and events for defense because they are so weak minded that truth is something alien. He will never change. Not now, not ever.

It is what it is.

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