Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Trial runs and social skills

So I had a dream last night that I was in labor. I woke up with some painful contractions. Very painful. I was a little confused for a while, thinking that the dream (I was in the hospital, moaning in the bathtub about how much it hurt - not exactly a dream I need a psychoanalyst's help with) had caused the contractions. After a while I realized that it was probably the other way around. I took a nifedipine (contraction buster) and gritted my teeth for another 1/2 hour until they stopped. The good news is that it kept dh up as well, so in my mind it was worth it. As long as I am not the only one suffering. From 4-5:30 am we were on the verge of waking up supergirl and heading out. The interesting thing was that I thought I would go running and screaming off to the hospital at the first sign of pain - being so afraid of our 45 minute trip there and having the unwillingness to deliver on the freeway. But in typical fashion, I moved straight into denial. I refused to talk to dh and answer his questions (Is that another one? Does it hurt?) - I figure if he is asking me if it hurts and i DON'T answer, he should figure out all on his own that the answer is YES GODDAMMIT.
All in all, it was a lovely trial run.

Dh said this morning 'I think I will have to get ready'...umm, yeah dildohead (dh)- not a bad idea! Since supergirl AND I have been packed for 2 weeks now. And put some blankets and string in the car while you're at it. I am MAKING him come to my next OB appointment (friday's ultrasound with stanford doesn't count) to ask OB-friend what he should KNOW in case we deliver in the car....I figure the least he can do since I can't be expected to breathe AND tell him what to do with the goddamn string at the same time.

So this morning I was a bit tired. I managed to haul myself off to acupuncture and then stopped for groceries on the way home. While there I ran into a woman who had been in my Bradley brainwashing childbirth class when I was pregnant with supergirl. I hadn't run into her since I was pregnant with Elijah, over 2 years ago. She took one look at my belly and said, "What?! You're pregnant again? With a THIRD?! Oh my god."
I said, " Umm, yeah, this is my third, but we're just trying to replace the one who died."
It. Just. Came. Out.
I know, I know - she totally didn't deserve it. But that's how I work. I put up with shit from other people for so long and then one day ( the dayI am tired from practicing labor all night) I just crack and let the wrong person have it. Friends who know me know that this was of course said tongue in cheek...that one of the things I HATE THE MOST is when people say things like suggesting we would be trying to replace Elijah with another pregnancy or another child. And you wouldn't believe how many people told me stuff like that after Elijah died. Of course, the number of those people doling out the assvice who had also buried a child was ZERO. And of course, all the reasonable people I know who have children (and even some who don't) would realize that it would be IMPOSSIBLE to replace ANY of their children, living or dead, and how ridiculous the concept is. What most people don't get is how ridiculous it sounds to even issue this suggestion or warning. It's just something that people say. And something that people should stop saying.
Anyway, I just blurted this out to this very nice woman, who instantly got tears in her eyes and made me regret my callousness. Turns out her son is autistic - so they stopped at just one. We chatted for awhile about the local Early Intervention programs and the isolation of being labeled as a 'special needs parent'....and then we parted.
Just another day in the life of me the bitch.

2 comments:

Candy said...

Hi there. Just found your site, after a post by Jen at Not Calm to meet Gwendolyn. Your story is compelling.

Your post about your mother killed me. Love your dildohead...er...husband!

livin_live said...

hey great blog! I thought some of the comments were a little off beat but still great. Please come check out my new site anyway!eastern school of acupuncture