Monday, June 25, 2007

I squeeze the Fresh Juice

Bubbles is not saying, 'shit'.

No, I told dh, he is saying 'sit, sit.'

Because we, for lack of having our own fuzzy puppy, apparently utter these words at him frequently. As well as 'whattagoodboyyouare!!!' and 'NO! Don't EAT that!' - other common puppyisms.

But in the bath he stands up. Is this acceptable for any mother at all who has read and dreamt the '1001 ways your kids can die' manifesto? No, it is not.
So? "Sit! Sit down! SIT, BUBBLES, SIT!"
At the table? His great disdain for any food at all that is not accompanied by a private viewing of Pingu is evident by the way he assumes his 'I am so bored I have to stand here and drape my arm over the back of the high chair' pose.
Is this acceptable? As he throws his weight back, the chair slightly tips, and I visualize exactly where his head would hit the wall if gravity has its way. Again, it is not.
So? "Sit! Sit down! SIT , BUBBLES, SIT!"

Is it any wonder then, that as he wanders around muttering his pinglish, with recognizable words peppered in between (ball, okay!, disdat, moo), every now and then we should hear a "SIT!" ?
No, I think it is not any wonder at all.
(Is it any wonder that if one of us was to think it was all innocent, it would be the one who actually uses the word shit frequently enough to be guilty? ahem. yeah, that's me.)

"See?!", I said, "It's not like he uses it in the context of 'shit'!"

Last night, a naked Bubbly boy ran into the kitchen to demand -as he usually does- the remains of what he telepathically knew from the bathroom was my juice! in a glass!
After he had sucked the last inch with great slurping, he gestured to the fridge and said 'da-at mo?' ever so sweetly.
"No more juice today, honey. More juice tomorrow." It was, after all, bedtime.
He tried again, in his 'I am going to try that sugary begging thing my sister does' voice,
"Mo-oo? Da-aat? okAY!"
I was immovable. (Sorry, you're the third, kid!)
"No, no more today. No more of that."
Then he said it.

Just like that. Not like "SHIT!", or "This is BULLshit!", or "Sheeit... you say that now but I will make you my juice-fetching-bitch."
Nope, none of that.
Like a sweet little question.


Of course, I responded sweetly.
"I know it's shit honey, nobody likes to be told no, but tomorrow's another day."
I glanced up to the other adult in the room.
Caught. His smirk was enough.
Okay, fine. So maybe I did teach my toddler to swear.

But you know what? We learned two things from this. Dh has realized that I truly am, in fact, the very same woman he chose all those (7) years ago.
And? My kid can swear at the appropriate moments.
Considering his current limited use of intelligible words? I am a wee bit proud.

I'm outta here til you kick down with the juice, beyatch.


Lin said...

Firstly, Master Bubbles is the bomb. Too, too cute.

At least he's not using the f word [yet]. A friend of mine in the UK realized that she and her husband (both physicians, she homeopathic, he just a normal one) needed to clean up their language when their then 4-year old daughter, Saffron (tee hee), was overhead telling her best friend that she had to go home. She put it like this. "Leonie, you're going to have to fuck off now, it's time for tea."

Tricia said...

I'm loving the shirt! Around our house it's "Damn it". With or without God- choice is good, right?

Vine Wine said...

I think first; our house is now obsessed with bento egg molds and wiener cutters that make octopus/octocpi? nonetheless you should feel glad that you inspire other children to eat and not sear at all

Anonymous said...

Gwendo, it's wendy...
My first dog was Bubbles, so I cracked up for many reasons reading your post. My friend's daughter is autistic and she does not talk. Or at least she thought she did not talk. She used to joke and look at her daughter and say, "say anything, honey, anything at all...tell mama to fuck off...." And then one day when she got cut off in traffic, she, the mother, said,"OH, shit..." to which her daughter yelled out from the back seat....."Asshole". She was so proud. :-) W

thethinker said...

Cute picture!