Monday, June 25, 2007

I squeeze the Fresh Juice

Bubbles is not saying, 'shit'.

No, I told dh, he is saying 'sit, sit.'

Because we, for lack of having our own fuzzy puppy, apparently utter these words at him frequently. As well as 'whattagoodboyyouare!!!' and 'NO! Don't EAT that!' - other common puppyisms.

But in the bath he stands up. Is this acceptable for any mother at all who has read and dreamt the '1001 ways your kids can die' manifesto? No, it is not.
So? "Sit! Sit down! SIT, BUBBLES, SIT!"
At the table? His great disdain for any food at all that is not accompanied by a private viewing of Pingu is evident by the way he assumes his 'I am so bored I have to stand here and drape my arm over the back of the high chair' pose.
Is this acceptable? As he throws his weight back, the chair slightly tips, and I visualize exactly where his head would hit the wall if gravity has its way. Again, it is not.
So? "Sit! Sit down! SIT , BUBBLES, SIT!"

Is it any wonder then, that as he wanders around muttering his pinglish, with recognizable words peppered in between (ball, okay!, disdat, moo), every now and then we should hear a "SIT!" ?
No, I think it is not any wonder at all.
(Is it any wonder that if one of us was to think it was all innocent, it would be the one who actually uses the word shit frequently enough to be guilty? ahem. yeah, that's me.)

"See?!", I said, "It's not like he uses it in the context of 'shit'!"

Last night, a naked Bubbly boy ran into the kitchen to demand -as he usually does- the remains of what he telepathically knew from the bathroom was my juice! in a glass!
After he had sucked the last inch with great slurping, he gestured to the fridge and said 'da-at mo?' ever so sweetly.
"No more juice today, honey. More juice tomorrow." It was, after all, bedtime.
He tried again, in his 'I am going to try that sugary begging thing my sister does' voice,
"Mo-oo? Da-aat? okAY!"
I was immovable. (Sorry, you're the third, kid!)
"No, no more today. No more of that."
Then he said it.

Just like that. Not like "SHIT!", or "This is BULLshit!", or "Sheeit... you say that now but I will make you my juice-fetching-bitch."
Nope, none of that.
Like a sweet little question.


Of course, I responded sweetly.
"I know it's shit honey, nobody likes to be told no, but tomorrow's another day."
I glanced up to the other adult in the room.
Caught. His smirk was enough.
Okay, fine. So maybe I did teach my toddler to swear.

But you know what? We learned two things from this. Dh has realized that I truly am, in fact, the very same woman he chose all those (7) years ago.
And? My kid can swear at the appropriate moments.
Considering his current limited use of intelligible words? I am a wee bit proud.

I'm outta here til you kick down with the juice, beyatch.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

(no words)

Holding your baby as his breath disappears, as the warmth drains from his body, as his essence/soul/spirit somehow begins to envelop you, and you look down into his still and perfect face and wonder what you could be holding if he is holding you....
...knowing this feeling is something I would wish on no one, ever.

Kate (of sweet-salty) has lost her son Liam. He came onto this earth for just one month to share his wisdom. And then he flew away.
And she now begins her own journey back to the world of the living - but her world is that of Everything Changed Forever. Please be gentle to yourself, Kate. Words can never express the agony I know you feel right now. I am sorry.

(my grudge this Tuesday? That babies die.)

Monday, June 18, 2007

Don't get me started. I've had THREE kids who hate food.

Why is it that some pediatricians are more readily willing to think that mothers are inept and ignorant?
Because I just saw The Other pediatrician (not mine, who, sadly for us, is going on the longest maternity leave in the world), and when I said that my son does not like to eat any food other than milk, he instantly assumed that I was not offering him anything other than milk, and proceeded to lecture me on how and what to feed a toddler.

Did you hear that? That was me screaming.


I just got off the phone with my son's pediatrician's receptionist.
The doctor we had not seen since February because our insurance was all screwed up withheld from my children, and well-child visits were postponed in favor of saving $200. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get insurance when both parents are self-employed? Oh, you don't? Well, I don't have the six hours it would take to write that post. Because I have to go to the doctor in an hour. And she is a 40 minute drive away.
So, while I was on the phone making an appointment for the child who woke up in an extremely bad mood while also tugging his ear, I mentioned that our insurance was fresh and shiny and new and we should make that well-child visit while we were both looking at calendars.
Then she said that before we got off the phone, I needed to talk to billing and give them my new information so that 'there wouldn't be any problems at the appointment, and things would go more smoothly'.
I said that the insurance card was in our mailbox about 1/4 mile away (because I am lazy and have not picked up the mail since last Thursday). She said I needed to call back with the number before my baby's appointment at 11:30.
I got just a tiny bit snippy then and suggested that she was a complete moron should not threaten that my child would not be seen by a doctor, as I had paid cash for every visit in between 10/06 and 2/07.
She then got a teensy bit pissy and sighed heavily.
"I'm just trying to follow protocol here."
(emphasis on 'trying' implies that I am an obstacle in her workday. this now gives me more pleasure than it should.)
Yeah. Whatever.
Seeya at 11:30.


Friday, June 15, 2007

My kids? They can run. How lucky are we?

It was about 100 degrees yesterday, so we took the kids to Elijah's Beach. I had not been there since his memorial.

You know what? It was lovely.

The craziest thing was watching Bubbles do everything his brother never could.

Like run back up the path.

Don't ever take the sight of your child running for granted.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

What's slightly wrong with this picture?

Square eggs? Really, more fun than one should be allowed to have with a salad.
I have got to get me some of those egg molds!!!!!!

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Grudge Tuesday. I saved this sucker for 2 days.

So, if you are the person who (insert synonym for)'misplaced' his job, and in your desperate attempts to not make any changes to your lifestyle that may require you to leave the comfort of your own home office and perhaps be forced to interact with humans with some regularity (some in this house might see the results of this as a bonus), then you might make an only-half-joking comment about how your wife better launch those two new blogs that her brain invented so that she (alone) can support the family, and she might let it slide for now because you are in such shock about the job thing and she is allowing you two whole weeks of shock.

But if you are that person, and then the very next day you are drinking scotch with a friend from your perch high over the yard where you claim you can 'watch the kids', but in fact you are not watching or seeing your child toddle up the driveway, and your wife - who happens to be inside cooking for you and the friends who are there; making things like pecan and apricot stuffed brie, marinated chicken, and a huge-ass time consuming salad - comes outside for the third time and yells at you to in fact watch the child who she can plainly see is headed up the driveway (because she is just a multi-tasker like that), then may I suggest to you that hollering down the hill in defense of your own ineptitude, "What are you doing anyway? Are you cooking or are you blogging?"
is not an appropriate response.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Lead-Free Bento Yum

Supergirl's last day of Kindergarten was a half-day, so just a light snack was needed before the eat-yourself-sick ice cream party and the debauchery of the afternoon school's-out-pool-party at a friend's house.

Brie cheese on whole wheat cut-out sandwiches, snack of nori-maki, almonds, and a few chocolate sunflower seeds, fresh watermelon and raspberries, and in the top layer is a flat blueberry-filled marshmallow (made in Japan, of course).

The Nez (aka and fka 'Bubbles') got to come along to work (for me, play for him) with me, thusly requiring his very own baby bento box, if only to make myself feel better for at least trying to get this child to eat something other than milk!!

Baby Bento with divider from Ichiban Kan. Normally I am against anything with a commercial logo, but because I am immature, I think 'rainbow pooh' is funny. Crackers, dried strawberries, Panda puffs cereal, Joe'sOhs, and a new favorite toddler snack: Fritos.

Now before you get all up in my white trash grill for feeding my toddling beauty such garbage as Fritos, let me share a little discovery with you: they melt fast, and for babies that have fewer than eight teeth this is a consideration, and the ingredients are as follows: whole corn, corn oil and salt. That's it.

So, more about these mini-bento boxes...

My lovey Jen wrote this post about my little obsession bento discovery, and one commenter shared her concern about the possibility of lead in the plastic. Thank you, Nicola!

Right away, I purchased a lead-test kit from an Ebay seller, something I had been 'meaning' to do for a long time. 'Free shipping' is always a good incentive for me!

I am happy to report that:

a)I have not completely failed my children by poisoning them with lead-coated organic baby carrots, and

b) all of the boxes I have featured here, the 'Clickety-click' ones and the polka-dot, and the other 'made in Japan' boxes all tested free of lead.

There was some initial concern about the orange bento box, as the swab turned a bit orangey, but it turned out to be spaghetti sauce, because our dishwasher just sucks.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Only two more days of school

So don't worry. If my bento aspirations still motivate me in September, I'll start a new blog or at least just a photostream for these.

Watermelon chunks and leaves, dill spears, tiny container of cottage cheese, cracker sticks for dipping and under those are colby cheese strips, the top layer holds some Japanese blueberry gum because tomorrow at school is 'hat and gum day'. Don't ask. Because I have no idea.
The snack container has dried mango, cinnamon almonds, graham cereal squares and a treat of adorable (more cute Japanese food) biscuit and chocolate mushrooms.

Rushed bento

So, this morning was a bit rushed, as I had spent a good part of the evening at urgent-care (more on that later) and because of that, Supergirl had had a sleepover (on a school night!) at her friend's house. (that would be courtesy of her mommy, my nice friend who offered to have her!) Since Wednesdays are a minimum day, in lunch world, it is also a 'hearty snack day'.
So I didn't feel too guilty as I hauled my mysteriously aching and fatigued bod downstairs to throw something average together for daddy to take over to the school. But that is why this picture sucks. The bell was ringing and the box had to go to school, photo or not.

The results: dried strawberries, babybel cheese, nori rice crackers,
apple slices with peanut butter in a reusable silicon tub and a disposable 'happy animals' film cover, toasted nori and the EPITOME* of lucky lunch: a frozen yokids tube! The tube doesn't fit in the bento box, but it tucks into the elastic strap nicely.

*It seems that the more I hate the environment (by way of using overpackaged goods such as these yogurt tubes), the more my daughter thinks I love her.
Hmmm....Must work on that.

Friday, June 01, 2007

If you take your kids to the Japanese dollar store and tell them they can pick anything out...

This was found in the toy aisle at Daiso, next to the pretend inflatable breasts for small boys. No, I am not kidding. Go see for yourself. (Next time I promise I will bring my camera!)
It's called an inflatable wild swan.
I am not sure if it is for putting on your tutu and staging an impromptu production of 'Swan Lake', or..umm, for dirty old leering men?

I am not quite sure of its purpose.

These directions confused me even more:

Anyone out there read Japanese?
I am speechless.
But whatever it is, what a great value for $1.50, no?

Update 6/3 : Thank you SaraFoop for THIS partial translation, and THIS very relevant clip. I understand a wee bit better now. And you, Sara? You are search queen of the internet!