Today, the father of my children, the man who choked me to the floor (TWICE!) two months ago while telling me how long it was in coming, the man who has told anyone who will listen about how he just 'wants to do what it takes to be a family again', told a judge that he believed what he had done in this domestic violence case, was defensible. Sure, he understands that what he did is 'defined' as battery under the CA state law, and sure - he'll even admit that what he did was stupid! But in this case, he 'only restrained me' because he was just trying to stop a violent situation from escalating. The judge asked him what kind of violence he was attempting to stop
He replied, "Verbal."
The judge audibly sighed.
The original question that he had been asked by the judge?
"Is there anything in these documents with which you disagree?"
Xman replied that he disagreed with the term 'battery' in the criminal court case.
We were in family court.
The judge told him that that had already been decided by another judge.
He continued to say that his actions were justifiable.
I cringed and had to be reminded to breathe.
I felt a bit sick. Two months later, and he has already determined (in spite of what a judge determined) that his actions were not battery, and his actions are defensible.
If he hadn't choked me to nearly passing out the second time...he might be able to get away with that.
Hearing it was terrifying.
He really believes it.
He truly believes - really, truly believes - that his actions were defensible.
Holding me in a violent headlock while his sister took verbal shots at me, while I screamed bloody murder to be let go....letting go and then doing it again as I tried to run away....
I requested that a therapist be present for initial supervised visits, as our children have been full of nightmares and questions since the incident, and it is only fair to them if someone who can help them all with those questions is present when they are reunited.
I would like nothing more than to have them see their father again in a healthy way.
Hopefully, Xman can find himself a therapist as great as the ones I have found and get back on track.
The judge agreed, and asked to see us back in court in six weeks, when the children's therapist can provide a more involved letter of recommendation for the court (she just met them).
This caused some sputtering from the other side of the courtroom, and he protested that the reason the children were having emotional difficulties was because he had not been in their lives every day for two months.
That was his main concern about our children.