Monday, June 15, 2009

You Have the Right to Remain Silent (hint hint)

Today, the father of my children, the man who choked me to the floor (TWICE!) two months ago while telling me how long it was in coming, the man who has told anyone who will listen about how he just 'wants to do what it takes to be a family again', told a judge that he believed what he had done in this domestic violence case, was defensible. Sure, he understands that what he did is 'defined' as battery under the CA state law, and sure - he'll even admit that what he did was stupid! But in this case, he 'only restrained me' because he was just trying to stop a violent situation from escalating. The judge asked him what kind of violence he was attempting to stop
He replied, "Verbal."
The judge audibly sighed.
The original question that he had been asked by the judge?
"Is there anything in these documents with which you disagree?"
Xman replied that he disagreed with the term 'battery' in the criminal court case.
We were in family court.
The judge told him that that had already been decided by another judge.
He continued to say that his actions were justifiable.
I cringed and had to be reminded to breathe.

I felt a bit sick. Two months later, and he has already determined (in spite of what a judge determined) that his actions were not battery, and his actions are defensible.
If he hadn't choked me to nearly passing out the second time...he might be able to get away with that.

Hearing it was terrifying.
He really believes it.
He truly believes - really, truly believes - that his actions were defensible.
Holding me in a violent headlock while his sister took verbal shots at me, while I screamed bloody murder to be let go....letting go and then doing it again as I tried to run away....
Defensible actions?


I requested that a therapist be present for initial supervised visits, as our children have been full of nightmares and questions since the incident, and it is only fair to them if someone who can help them all with those questions is present when they are reunited.
I would like nothing more than to have them see their father again in a healthy way.
Hopefully, Xman can find himself a therapist as great as the ones I have found and get back on track.
The judge agreed, and asked to see us back in court in six weeks, when the children's therapist can provide a more involved letter of recommendation for the court (she just met them).
This caused some sputtering from the other side of the courtroom, and he protested that the reason the children were having emotional difficulties was because he had not been in their lives every day for two months.

Wow.


That was his main concern about our children.



Wow.


Narcissistic much?

15 comments:

Headless Mom said...

Crazyness.

(((HUGS)))

Shea's Mom said...

Your description of his actions in court only prove to me how necessary it was for you to get the legal-beagles involved.

He is in denial. And, that really shows how sick he is.

Hope he isn't still living in the back yard.

Why don't you guys come stay with me for a while.

XOXO

Anonymous said...

I should introduce your husband to my sister.
Sounds like they'd be perfect for each other.

Denise said...

I.... Am.... Speechless. Plus I want to choke him!

Mama Deb said...

Fecker. (I'm trying not to curse as much these days!)

Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo said...

babe.

You are amazing.

Love to you.

Christine said...

Wow. Just wow. Sounds like you had a good judge though. Wishing you some peace and good moments. I found your blog through Blog Her and am following your story. Stay safe and know people are supporting you here.

Amalah said...

Ugh. It's unreal that you have to go through all this. I'm sorry.

Thank you for your bravery and for telling the story here.

becomingwhole said...

Wow. No words for that one. Wow.

Many thoughts of peace are going out to you and your children. I hope for you and them healing.

(he's just not worth my energy)

Denise said...

Did you tell the judge that he was still living on your property?

Lauri said...

My question too is do you know where he is living? What did the judge say (if anything) about that?

He's absolutely crazy - that's what makes him even more scary - he probably does believe what he is spewing...so....very....sad...

Take care of yourself and those amazing kiddos...

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

I am so sorry.

I wish you didn't have to go through all of this.

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