I was having a 'chat' with my innernet friend and one of the things I love about this particular innernet friend, is her dark humor and ability to climb into my brain from across the country. This time of year is, plainly, DARK for me. To cope with this season, I have often resorted to what some might call inappropriate humor.
So, I happen to mention to innernet friend (IFriend) that someone had suggested that I celebrate Elijah's birthday by making a cake and having a little birthday party.
Did that suggestion make me mad?, that someone had wanted to know.
No, I said, certainly not mad! I had definitely heard of people doing that....it just wasn't.....for me.
Of course I couldn't get it out of my head, and morbidly kept imagining just how that would take shape, this birthday party for my dead child. I suppressed some inappropriate giggles from some friends who I know are challenged by my annual bout with morbid humor....but of course I can't be kept down. I am a VIRGO.
So, I had to share with IFriend.
me: so, the idea was that i would have a party for him make a cake, get the children involved, have a birthday party.!!!!!IFriend: WHAT! MAD?me: oh no i am not madIFriend: a CAKE?me: i have heard some people do that
IFriend: I would freak out making a cakeme: just NOT FOR MEcan you imagine?IFriend: no, I honestly can'tme: MAKING A FUCKING CAKEIFriend: it's macabre - I mean, you know, not that there's anything WRONG with it, but...not something I would do
me: there's the issue of putting the baby inside the cake, or just what to write on it...i mean...okay....happy 6th birthday elijah....no that's not right....happy 1st birthday AGAIN elijah....no still not right.....ummmm....happy birthday in heaven my little angel?IFriend: pukes - personally I would just fall the fuck apart making the thing and hate the whole processme: has to maintain sense of humor right nowIFriend: yeah
me: a cake. yeah, i mean a lasagna maybe...but a CAKE? hehIFriend: like "we're HAPPY our kid is dead"me: i KNOWIFriend: "see look, a CAKE"me: HAPPPY DEAD BABY CAKE!!!IFriend: keels over... lordme: that isn't right either - you see the problem.IFriend: yes - I mean, what to WRITE on it alone is a blog entry...me: oooo - and we could SING TO HIS ASHES OF COURSE!IFriend: put a party hat on the urnIFriend: just take it outside and wait for the wind to blow the candle out...and be like "look kids, your brother made a wish!"me: that would rock, but....who blows out the candles?kids are gullible, they'd totally buy itme: HAR! they TOTALLY WOULD!
IFriend: I think doing some kind of non-deadbaby-activity would be much better than making it a Deadbaby Day...too tempting to wallow that way.
End of Conversation Advice:
Indeed. Thank you, IFriend. You know who you are.