Sunday, May 24, 2009

Definitely NOT Talkin 'bout The Yellow Brick Road When I say 'Path'

This has been difficult, I won't lie to you.

My children have questions. Of course they do, they are teh frackin' brilliant.
I try not to answer anything more than they ask.

Supergirl knows a little bit (who am I fooling?) probably a good deal of what happened; she also decided that there is a difference between hurting someone deliberately or accidentally. She knows that sometimes, when something violent occurs, the adults involved don't always get to make the decisions about what happens in the immediate future.
She knows that she is sad, and she knows that she is happy. She seems more able to articulate her feelings to me; she is clear about her needs, if not always direct in her approach to making them known, her behavior is (she is, after all, seven). She claims that there is less yelling, and that her mornings are easier in the daily prep and rush to school.
She needs many snuggles.

Bubbles processes it in other ways. He has asked "Where Daddy is now?" And I always reply that he is with friends. That satisfies him. He wakes up at least twice a week (down from four) with a night terror; he is not quite awake for 10-15 minutes, usually is whaling on me, screaming, "I hurt you, I break-a your arm!" then wakes up a bit and continues to be aggressive until I am able to calm him down, anywhere from another 15 to 45 minutes.

We are in therapy.
Yes, thank you for asking, we are.
I need help with my babies; I need help with all of this. I need to be able to help my children, so as a family, we are trying to stay focused on healing and moving forward, and I will let the professionals help with the processing of past events.

This is all a new path for us.

New for all of us.

It's not a very straightforward path, either.


Thank you for your help and your wishes - they are all worth gold.

11 comments:

Headless Mom said...

I so can't imagine what you and the kids are going through. Please know that you are always in my prayers and I hope that you heal quickly and as fully as possible. Love you so much!

Sophie said...

I'm sure it wouldn't be a straightforward path, I suspect it's probably like babyloss in that way. Unpredictable. Small steps following by big steps...

Keep your head up, Gwen, you're strong (you've had to be). You're doing the best you can. Sending much love your way.

I don't know if you're still reading my blog. Sounds like you have a lot going on so I wouldn't be surprised. If you do head my way just be sure to send me a wordpress username. Having my own issues with the parentals and I've had to go private.

Take care
xx

furiousBall said...

good thoughts your way amiga, be patient with yourself sweetheart

skyesofblue said...

So I just started reading you today and I can't believe what I am reading. Still haven't read your entire blogspot but I have commented on "last breath." Let me tell you that 27 years ago I went through a divorce. Nothing violent like you and I thought that it was a horrible experience.
I went for theraphy. After all that I went through I remember that I told myself that I can live through anything else in my life except the death of a child. So how do you go on. How do you go through divorce on top of you sons death? Looking at this now from a different persective the divorce will be easy. I pray for the safety of you and your children.
Just how strong does God expect us to be? You poor girl, my heart aches for you and you will be forever on my mind.

Which Box said...

I am so sorry for all of this. Hang in there.

mamadaisy said...

you are tough as nails, woman. you can and will survive this and go on to flourish once again.

i'm sorry your babies have to go through this with you. i hope they have peaceful sleep again soon.

hugs and strength to you.

Lauri said...

To the ex and the SIL -

This is what your actions caused...the night terrors, the confusion, the knowledge that violence sometimes occurs between spouses - YOU BOTH DID THIS. Are you happy now?

Fortunately, those precious kids also have a mom who will never let them down like you did....she seeks the help she knows they need and will make sure they learn how to deal with this...and come away stronger...Are you happy now?

The best revenge is living a good life - Supergirl knows that life is easier without you there...that's definitely a start....How about you - are you happy now?

Cause they are moving on - towards a good life with happy times and lots and lots of love....Are you doing the same, or are you pointing the finger away from yourself and blaming her because she reported it - perhaps accusing her of "whoring herself out on the internet" all while not living up to your responsibilities - financial and otherwise....

Go ahead and stay on the path you've set - continue to blame everyone else, but watch very closely as your children get further and further away...happy now?

Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo said...

MWAH

Jill said...

This is breaking my heart. I am so sad that all of you have to go through this. My thoughts are with you.

Deb said...

xoxoxoxo

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