Friday, May 29, 2009

How Far is Too Far?

I guess I cannot say that I am surprised.

I mean, I suppose it's somewhat expected that he may have decided what boundaries are acceptable for me - boundaries are only to be set by him - and I guess he decided that he will live next door to me, in the other house on this property, 20 yards away.

It doesn't really surprise me that he would assume that I would be fine living next door to him - the person who hurt me, choked me to the ground, and then justified it. Really, it doesn't. There have been many serious requests I have made about boundaries that have gone ignored over the years.

But I guess it does surprise me that, even after a judge told him he may not be near me or live here for three years, he put down his contact address for the court....as my address.

I guess it is not very shocking that he would refuse to move, after not paying a cent in rent for nearly two months. But it is rather shocking that he would refuse to move after being ordered to stay away from me.
He isn't living here, he can't live here, but lists this as his address.
He isn't living here, yet refuses to move his things out.
I have been told to move them myself, but it is slightly more complicated - I am not trying to be unkind, but am running out of patience.
Also? He is a packrat, and the moving of his things is more than my delicate constitution can handle.


But, he would like everyone to know that he is 'doing everything possible to become a family again'.

Even against my will. For my will is, apparently, insignificant in his equation.

He is their father; he is not my partner.

The line was crossed. He took it too far. I do not wish to retrace those steps, ever.

21 comments:

RuthWells said...

Ummmmmmm........ if there is some kind of restraining order, how is this even possible? Can we assume you've reported it to the courts or police?

Miss Grace said...

Oh my god what are you doing about it? Do I need to have a beat down with that man?

Lauri said...

He has balls, I'll give him that...you are right - he's crossed a line and you have to stop him....have the court order upheld...he doesn't get to unilaterally decide if you are going to be a family - it takes two, as they say...stay strong...praying for you!

Monica said...

He is truly king of the clueless, among other things

Denise said...

G!
You need to seriously look into your rights. Please contact Peace for families. There has got to be one in your area.
Xoxoxo Denise

Shea's Mom said...

Time to call the authorities. If he is not supposed to be around and he is, you NEED to make the powers that me enforce it.

Which Box said...

Wow. Unbelievable.

Tracey - Just Another Mommy Blog said...

I have no idea what he is thinking... What an idiot. I am so sorry for the trash you are having to deal with, Gwen. Hugs, hon.

RoseRedHoofbeats said...

How did all of that eviction/abandoned property stuff go? Can the owner of the property pay for one of those companies to come and clean it out and then bill him for it? Like, how would this be handled if you weren't in the equation, and he was just leaving his shit in a place he wasn't paying for?

I don't know all of the details and such, but this really should not be your problem. I hope you can get everything worked out soon.

flutter said...

I say open it up and hold the mother of all "walk through this house and buy all of this crap" garage sale.

Sophie said...

This is just...wrong. So sorry you are continually having to put up with this shit.

Cindy said...

Two words: garage sale. Or bon fire.

MB said...

Ridiculous. Call the cops.

becomingwhole said...

The part of me who is new to your blog and just reading your story feels shocked and wants to say "Wow, I can't believe it!"

The part of me who has worked in DV knows...this is what they do. This is just what they do. Just make sure you have backup, girl. Always have a plan. Always.

And I'm so, so, so sorry.

PS ditto on the garage sale--get some money out of it! People buy some crazy shit...

Evie_Edlund said...

What do the police say? In my mind, this is an escalation, but I don't work in DV, just have my own nutcases in my past.

mamadaisy said...

ditto on the garage sale and enforcing the restraining order to the letter. you are in charge. play hardball at every possible opportunity.

Marin said...

I wish the police could be more useful. How awful. Sell all of his crap and don't look back.

Alexicographer said...

I'm so sorry.

About the stuff -- I don't know what sort of stuff we're talking about, but my mother handled this by boxing up my father's stuff, putting it outside, and giving him ~1 week to come pick it up. After that, she moved it to the curb. She let him know she would do this and may have documented that.

She continued to house (I won't say, "kept") some of his family effects that she thought my brother and I might want down the road (e.g. cameras that had belonged to his father). Not that she prevented him from getting them, just that she tucked them in a safe spot and ignored them until/unless he asked.

The yardsale seems tempting, but also a hassle and might raise legal questions (I think) about what you did with his stuff. Plus there's the question of what you do/don't want your kids to see/know/believe. My mother's approach allowed us as kids to know that my father had had the opportunity to come get stuff but (as evidenced by his behavior) didn't want it, so -- since he didn't want it -- it was trash (perhaps some boxes went to Goodwill; I forget).

SUEB0B said...

The only thing worse than a bully is a passive-aggressive bully, getting all wide-eyed and indignant like "What? I can live where I want to live, right?"....grrrr

Jennifer said...

I just think that he should not be living right next door to you. it is just not right. It seems as if he wants to know your routiene (and in theory if the kids are alright). it is a crock of s*#t in my book. You are strong and will come out better than he will.

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