Thursday, March 27, 2008

Birthdays of Ghosts

Supergirl asked me, "How old would Elijah be?"

Five. On Monday.

"WOW! He would be in kindergarten. I could be his big buddy!"

I thought about this. The wheelchair that would have been, the special bus, the special school, the special class that there would have been. The children 'like' him; the ones who could perhaps speak volumes with their eyes but could not wrap their little arms around you to hug you. The ones who instilled fear into every typical parent by merely drooling.

But instead, I answered enthusiastically, "Yes! Yes, honey, you would be the best big buddy ever!"

And of course, thinking of her friends who are in the kindergarten room next door to her who may be only five but are quite reasonable, she said, "I wish Elijah was alive. I like Bubbles, but he pulls my hair and he stinks."
(for the record, I would like to point out that 'stinks' is a relative term in a six year old's vocabulary, and does not in any way, reflect the actual attention given to said brother's stinky rotten diapers)

The special feeding chair, the on-order foam floor-sitter, the more than likely lifetime of diapers, the OT, the PT, the ECI, the many many doctor appointments, the special attention that he required....

She remembers none of that.

Only the fact that he was her brother and she loved him.

We all miss him.


Denise said...

Supergirl rocks. But g part of the reason that she remembers is that you have done an amazing job of not letting her forget. Talking about him etc.Which is the way that it should be :)

Denise said...

Oh and too funny about Bubbles. "I like bubbles but he pulls my hair and he stinks lmao!
At least he doesn't pinch! My Cameron pinches and bites Lexie when he is mad Grrrr.

Tricia said...

Always and forever he will be missed and loved for what was and what never came to be, regardless.

Even in all the he would've, could've, should've, if only...

I would assume the chasm only gets a tiny bit less deep, but always there.

The love, the grief, the loss, the memories...

Lin said...

Please, please gather all of your postings about Elijah and how his story is woven with his brother and sister's...and of course yours. There is a wonderful book in you that could be of enormous help to other parents, their surviving children and your own children, as they grow older.

Postman should be delivering a little package in a day or so. xoxo

Cindy said...

Leave it to a child to remember only what is really important--that he was her brother, than you all loved him, that you will miss him forever.

That stinky little Bubbles. Too funny!

jenijen said...

cindy is right -- kids pick up the heart of things and remember what matters.

love you

Jenny, the Bloggess said...

Ditto what Cindy said.