Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Guess Which Parent Will be Handling the Birds and Bees Talk?

Me: Did you open that package from Amazon?

Dh: No. What package?

Me: The one right here which is opened. This one.

Dh: What is it?

Me: This book for Supergirl.

Dh: WHAT?

Me: Well, when I was in first grade, Trina Brown told me that to have a baby, the dad has to pee inside the mom.

Dh: Trina Brown was a precocious, misinformed slut.

Me: Well, I don't want Supergirl to think that is true.

Dh: You seem to have come around. How did you figure it out?

Me: I came home and asked my mom if it was true. She gave me a book and we read it together.

Dh: OHMYGOD.

Me: Look, just because your parents were from the dark ages doesn't mean that's the right way to do it. She asked about sex.

Dh: SHE ASKED ABOUT SEX? OH MY GOD WHEN???

Me: Well, not you. I don't think she'd ask you. Just last week. So I ordered the book.

Dh(thumbing through book): But there are just so many pictures in this book. But they are all so hairy in this book.

Me: Look, that's because it is from 1977. Do you want Supergirl to think she has to have a Brazilian?

Dh: OH MY GOD SHUT UP!! DON'T SAY THAT!!! OH MY GOD I CANNOT THINK ABOUT THAT!!!

Me: Well, get over it. Here look at this. Just read the book.

Dh: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD I AM TRAUMATIZED FOR LIFE!!!!

Me: Why?

(I grab the book from him and see what page put him over the edge.)




Yes, this was it.
I think it might be time for me to have The Talk...with him.





(Sorry honey, it's Nablopomo, when anything you say, can and will be used for blogging.)

17 comments:

mamadaisy said...

oh my god, we had that book, and i SO remember that picture!

thanks for the election distraction.

RoseRedHoofbeats said...

OMG that is hilarious! My husband is the same way. I have two stepchildren and I'm willing to talk to my stepdaughter if her mom is okay with it (really I don't think it's any of my business) but he REFUSES to talk to his son! It drives me BATSHIT. I keep trying to tell him that I guarantee that they've heard things from their friends (like having to pee inside the mom) and that since his son is in the THIRD GRADE he needs to know what's what. Trying to be funny, I said, "What, are you just going to arrange radioactive accidents so they're sterile?"

And he goes, "That sounds like a good idea!"

Men are weenies. But we already knew that.

Sophie, Inzaburbs said...

I think we had that one too!
Glad to see it is still around, I checked some of the offerings out recently and the ones I found were kind of ... humorless.

Evil Twin's Wife said...

We bought a book for our son when he was maybe 8 (he's 10 now). Told him to read it and ask any questions he might have. He never asked... It's the book by Marc Brown (the guy who does "Arthur") and his wife. Really cute and doesn't have an overabundance of info. Just the main highlights. Whew... this parenting thing is tough. LOL.

capello said...

dude. they have a mirror. i wonder where the camcorder is...

Squid said...

You are a good mom.

When Iz was four, she carried "It's So Amazing" everywhere. She tried to bring it to school, but her teacher informed her (and me) that there would be no bringing of "THAT BOOK" into her classroom. Which I understand. THAT BOOK is about as frank as your daughter's book.

Now Iz's almost ten, and recently graduated to "It's Perfectly Normal." Which is EXTREMELY frank. Which is fine, which is good. Although now, as when she was four, she has been cautioned to ask people beforehand, "Are you comfortable talking about reproduction/sex?"

I have informed her that the only people she doesn't have to worry about asking this of are Jennyalice and Badger. But it appears that she can be frank with her beloved Gwendomama as well.

Talking and informing are healthy healthy healthy. Our kids will be the kids at school who calmly dispel myths when other kids spread sensationalistic rumors about what parts go where, and why.

But my husband still feels a teeny bit like your partner does.

Lin said...

Oh Jesus, we had that book (to show our kids), but, like Dh, I just couldn't go there with the illustrations. I read it and we talked about stuff...but minus the pictures. I wanted to turn the pictures into birthday cards, but never did...hmmm, wonder where that book is???

Laura said...

Roflmaaaaooooo...oh that's hysterical! I don't remember the sex book, but I do remember the "girl at camp gets her period" book. Sheesh ;)

12ontheinside said...

Haaaa!
That book looks fabulous.

DadaMama said...

I am wondering about the toy boat. Some kind of fetish?? Something to spice up the boring sex life of Mom and Dad?

Does anyone else think these bathtub people are strangely reminiscent of The Family Guy?

Also, I love the reflection of the butt in the mirror. That is classy with a capital "C," yo.

My kids haven't asked, but this looks like a refreshing take on it when they do.

Cathy said...

OMG i'm 29 and my mom got that book for my twin sister and I when we were like 12. She also handed us a playgirl......WOW...were we ever mis-lead...I got gypped in that deal!!!

Bennie said...

OH MY GOD!!!!

Erica said...

My mother bought that book for me back when I was 8--I had seen it in the bookstore at 6 years old and begged for it for two years. :)

I still remember how they describe orgasm as feeling like a sneeze!

Tracey said...

Oh man. That picture traumatized ME, too!! And I have completely talked to my kids about sex from early, EARLY on. Pictures, no, thanks. Especially overweight cartoon guys in a bathtub!!! With a BOAT. WHAT ARE THEY DOING IN THERE?!?!

Cindy said...

We already had the talk (because she asked the questions that required explanations). The other week, she and I were having our Sat. morning snuggle in my bed, and she asked WHERE mommies and daddies usually "do sex." "Ugh . . . in bed." The look on her face was priceless. Clearly, my answer was not what she expected.

datri said...

OK, I want this book! My older daughter is 7, so it's getting close to that time, I guess. I've been reading that some girls are starting their periods at age 10 --- aaack! Maybe I'll get her into gymnastics and try to delay that!

Mama Deb said...

Cool! Now I know what to do with the toy boat that's in our bathtub. Thanks! haha.