Saturday, July 26, 2008

Random Blog Ethics Question

Do you publish content on your blog about someone which you would not say to or ask that someone in person?

Do you hope that they will find it, or do you hope that they will not find it?


....Just touching on a running theme from last weekend...

27 comments:

nakedjen said...

I have learned that if I am not comfortable saying whatever I have to say directly to the person involved, I shouldn't let my blog speak for me.

It only leads to misunderstandings. Because even if that person does not actually find it, someone who knows the person does, and shares the information.

Or believes they think they know the person I am talking about and creates a HUGE MESS in my life.

And since it is all about ME, well, it is much easier to just open my big fat mouth and say what I want to say directly.

Headless Mom said...

I agree with the above. I'd rather not have the drama. I filter my writing to some degree so that I don't have things come back to me. Also there are people at my husband's work that might misinterpret things (and have). I'd rather not go there.

Although I have posted things very vaguely that if the right person found they would question, and if they found it I would be honest.

mamadaisy said...

anything on my blog is what i consider public knowledge. if i wouldn't say it, i don't write it (or at least i don't write it and then publish it on the Internet)

i suppose that's why the little pink apartments at ConstanceTheFirst.blogspot are so popular. you can be completely anonymous and vent as needed, without having to worry about the people finding out.

Lunasea said...

Yeah, I don't write anything I'm not willing to have that person read. If I post it to the internet, it's public.

Tricia said...

I will write things about people that I am afraid to discuss to their face- but not so they can see it and not insulting.

Like a recent post about my father's drinking issues... and my feelings about that. He doesn't know I blog...I know, I know, yet.

Anonymous said...

Are you kidding me? Your post about Heather at the BlogFest, what do you call that? You're a hypocrite.

mamadaisy said...

hey anonymous. i think it's fairly safe to say that the Blogher keynote is a public event and therefore subject to being blogged about without any moral ambiguity.

and why is it that people only throw out words like "hypocrite" in anonymous comments?

PiggyToes/H said...

Um, Gwendowmama did not write about dooce behind her back. She wrote about a sequence of events in a very factual manner. This blog is not private so I am fairly confident that the post was read several times before being posted to ensure it was what Gwendomama wanted to say. It would have been hypocrtical if the names had been left out and nasty things had been said but that was not the case at all. The post was classy, honest and to the point. Shut up anon.

Anonymous said...

MamaDaisy: she asked a question and I answered it. Not to your liking? Too bad. AS for her being a hypocrite, she has put down people left and right in her blog. Who is she, the Queen of Blogland?

Shannon and Carey said...

I choose not to post anything I wouldnt say. But damnit it would feel reallllllllllllllllly good!
-Shannon in 101 degree Austin

gwendomama said...

Actually, I would have said (and still would) any of those things TO Heather's' face -- or to Jenny's face.

Anything I have said in the past on my blog has already been said to the person in question.

As far as 'putting people down left and right' I find that an interesting take on what I have written. Since I would say any of those things in person. And I have! Friends, families, and strangers alike are welcome to get this via the written word or from ME IN PERSON!!
and yes, I am Queen of Blogland. Thanks for the new masthead idea!!

Lunasea said...

Hey Queen of Blogland!

Where did you put people down left and right? And why do I always miss the good stuff? Sheesh.

Speaking of missing stuff, I'm sorry I missed the party!

Meagan Francis said...

I would not, unless it were someone I really don't know and just wanted to vent/blow off steam (like, say, somebody cuts me off on the highway, or my neighbor sunbathed on my side of the shared yard in her bra. Um, not that she's ever done such a thing...)

Melanie K said...

All Hail the Queen of BlogLand!

Now put back the "Pooping With an Audience since 2001" :-D

xox

Boss of Seattle said...

I LOVE anon. Always so rightous. Kinda sage-like... You can put me down anytime queenie. I mean your Highness

Anonymous said...

It just seems though, the more you think about it that you critize this certain someone for publishing something that you feel ought to have been shared intimately, then turn around and advertize it to the world, rather than phoning up this person, or emailing this person and voicing your grievance. Your shaming technique lacks sophistication and maturity.

Additionally, it all depends on what is published. Did this person express anger, insults, or acusations? You seem to take things really personally and defensively. Just remarking...

Boss of Seattle said...

Am I missing something??? I thought this post had something to do with the 'to do' occuring at BlogHer and Heather and Jenny?? I have a creepy psycho stalker feeling about the anonymous comments... Dear, are you reading too much into this post? Are you actually Dooce feeling all defensive and crazy- about to drive accross the country non stop in you adult diaper to "talk"? C'mon and drop the anon facade and tell us what is really buggin'. Cause this makes no sense and I am just plain NOSEY...

Lunasea said...

I know...what are you talking about, Anon? 'Cause I have no doubt that Gwendomama would post what she did about Dooce *fully assuming* that Dooce could read it. Gwendomama doesn't post such stuff unless she's willing to stand behind what she writes. So where's the hypocrisy? Or am I missing something?

mamadaisy said...

wow, i unplugged for a day and look what i missed! trolling with insanity!

All Hail Queen of Blogland: Thou Poopeth with the Best of Audiences

gwendomama said...

Anon

You are right. I should call Heather up on the phone and tell her that I was disappointed in her public appearance and shame her in a far more sophisticated manner.

The details? They were posted for you to make your own decision. The question I posed? A constant theme for most of us, and watching Heather excuse herself from an unspoken code of ethics, was....interesting.

The other me said...

Sometimes I whine about it without giving names or any info that would identify the person, I would hate anyone to ever find my blog and then read something I hadn't been brave enough to face them with. Except my kids, who know that the blog is what saves me from smacking them in the head, the big ones know that if they find my blog and read it, they have to deal with it and never let me know.

Diana said...

Speaking as someone who has had her blog found, don't do it! I had never blogged anything about someone that I would not and had not already said to their face, but if I had it would have been disastrous. Even if I don't know the person "in real life" I figure if I don't have the guts to make sure they know what I think I don't have the guts enough to be saying it at all. Hiding is cowardly, in my opinion. If you have an opinion, fine, but if you're going to publish it be willing to back it up.

Tricia said...

Allright, I missed all this...

I thought the question was a hypothetical and I see no where in the question does Gwendomama say she refrains from putting people down (I am not saying she does or doesn't...)

Get it?? Anon you are calling Gwendomama a hypocrite for what???? Did Gwendomama say she was Queen of nice and you are calling her a liar? Cuzzzz' she didn't, nor did she even imply it, ya know?

Anonymous said...

I think in this world of blogland things are said so people will find it. Why else write it? Why else not just have a good old-fashioned diary locked up in your top drawer where you know it will be just for you?

Blogland is narcissistic. For those of you who "hope they won't find it", you're taking a big chance out there. Photos, very personal feelings, sometimes too much said that will one day hurt you. So I think that if you publish something, you want the person(s) to see it. It's a passive way, in a sense, of saying how you feel. It's a safe way of expressing yourself without taking the risk of being hurt if you were to speak to them directly. Your audience is captive.

My concern is the amount of time that people are spending at the computer, obssessing in blogland. I'm currently writing my thesis for my ph.d. in psychology and media on this. I find it all interesting yet upsetting that our society has found this way to communicate.

My apologies for being anonymous, but even if I told you my name, I guess I would still be anonymous.

Your post is one of a few blogs I am researching. My choice was random.

gwendomama said...

Dear Anon (aka Jerri Ann);

I am having a hard time being convinced of the validity of your 'research project', when it appears that you have already proved your hypothesis. For what kind of research project do you need to gather more information when you already have a knowledgable (?) bias towards the way in which our society has found to communicate.

Before Blogland for me there were email lists and message boards. They were full of parents JUST LIKE ME (not) and also full of all the ways my kids could die that i hadn't even thought of. They were cries for reponse, they were desperate attempts at reaching out to people in as much pain (who were incapable of reaching back).

Blogland is independent. If you want to be anon, you can. If you want to find your community, you can. It is also riskier; especially if you allow anon comments.
Blogland is my community. Do I condemn your community based on you signature?
I do not. I applaud you for finding your community. Maybe my community will invite your community to a DO NOT FEAR US Picnic someday.

Tricia said...

Ahhh.. The annual DNFU picnic..where is it this year??? ;)

Anonymous said...

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kathy-kastan/social-isolation-a-trend_b_75895.html