Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Thoughts on Jealousy, Trolls, Love, and Sharing

When I first starting reading Tanis's writing, I had to take many breaks for sobbing. Yes, sobbing for Tanis and her family, because I am not a heartless bitch. But also? Sobbing for my own little pity party.

Sure, it's one thing to scream at your baby "DON'T YOU STOP BREATHING" as they lay dying in the backseat of the car which is hurdling towards the hospital at breakneck speed.
It's another thing entirely to write about it.

It's one thing to feel your child take his last breath, give CPR to him for forty minutes, and then plead with invisible forces to bring him back as you hold his suddenly still body for hours.
It's another thing completely to share that.

For some, the writing starts as a form of therapy, a way to process, vent, analyze, cope. Sometimes it takes on a new form; one that was unexpected. The words which were so hard to string together are suddenly making sense to someone else. This person is a stranger, but they share with you their intimate thoughts and thank you for your words. They may have even found them helpful. Your words, your process, your pain. Helped someone else!
Someone may write to you to tell you that you reminded them to kiss their babies an extra time that night, to hold them close, to read them just one more book. To be grateful for them.

Once upon a time, a mother with too many tears, a mother with very few ties to a normal life left, needed to reach out to share the son who had just died. She was afraid he would be forgotten, and wanted to share the year of his life, and the time passing after his death. She joined some email groups. Groups which were full of other bereaved mothers and fathers and anger and fear. Military losses, murdered children, and the babies and children like hers. All gone too soon. Everyone reached out, every parent reached for a hand to pull them out of the shitty quicksand into which they had fallen the day they walked away from their breathless child. Nobody could save them. Nobody could save her. They were all in the quicksand together; not one of them had the energy to save another. They told their stories over and over, and received more silence. They could only read about how another child had died, how the little girl had accidentally wrapped herself up in the window blinds cord and strangled, how the mother helplessly watched her husband run over her baby in the driveway in his raised truck as his stereo blared and she screamed. They could only gasp and sob more and run up to check on their living children and cut all the goddamned windowblind cords.
After I realized I could no longer let my three year old out of my sight and forced her to accompany me to the bathroom every single time, I figured out that these email lists were not helping me, not one bit.

Once upon a time, a mother with too many tears decided to write a blog. She did not understand the rules, courtesies, or mechanics of The Blog, but she wanted to write. She needed a place to write it all down, the words which made no sense while they swirled about in her head, looking for an exit. She started to write about her pregnancy, and that was fine. She wrote about baby names and funny little stories which her daughter would provide, and this was also fine. But then she wrote about her son and his death. Nobody commented, but that was okay. She wrote it for herself. Then she wrote some more about him and how, in the aftermath of his death, it was difficult to cope with the stupid things people would say. She wrote about her feelings of loss and hopelessness.
Suddenly she created a stir. She must have offended someone or six, because she was put right in her place by the person people everyone knows as 'Anonymous'. Anonymous told her that she was a real downer, and who the hell did she think she was bumming everyone out like that? Who did she think she was talking smack about well-intentioned people who made the innocent mistake of saying the wrong thing. She was lucky anyone even said anything to her at all! She would be lucky to have any friends left at all after being such a depressing bitch. She should get some prozac and a therapist.
She thought seriously about quitting this whole writing gig.
That mother had skin which had been thinned by the loss of her child, and could not, at that time, access her quick-thinking responses, so she deleted these comments and then closed anonymous comments on her blog. Even though she had closed the anonymous comments, she was still hurt by this revelation that she was a big downer, and just took a break from writing about her dead child. She looked for others writing about their dead children, but found nobody. Actually, not true. She found many women writing about their miscarriage losses, but however multiple or far along those miscarriages were, she felt separated from these women. She had experienced miscarriage firsthand before, and since losing her one year old child, the separation felt too wide...these were the stories of the loss of a dream, while she had lost an actual, living, breathing child. She found nobody who had taken the risks to describe their own losses and trials and how they got the fuck through it. Nobody who talked about their dead child in terms other than 'angel babies sliding on the rainbows of heaven', not that there's anything wrong with that...it's just...not...me.
So yeah, that mother is me. Was me, and still is me.
One day, with thickened skin and on a whim, I turned the anonymous comments back on. My friends were still reading and supporting me; even some strangers. It had been a while; and I figured I could handle it. I understood what a troll was, at least.
I decided to try and trust the internet again.
Some of the first anonymous comments came in, and they went something like this: 'I wept when I read your story/ My own child died and my family doesn't understand why I cannot get over it/ Thank you for sharing your thoughts on hurtful platitudes, I will put more thought into the words I say when I know not what to say/ Thank you for reminding me to cherish my children...' etc.
I was astonished. But gobbled it up. The internet did love me! I loved the internet and it was actually loving me back!
Around this time, I discovered Tanis. I laughed til I cried. Then I discovered her archives. I cried til I laughed. And when I read about how she started writing about losing her Bug and went from feeling cold and alone to warm and cyber-hugged and surrounded by supporters when she shared her story (and his), I cried.
I cried for myself. I had a big old pity party and wondered why I sucked so bad that people actually took time to reach out and tell me that I was depressing. And why didn't I go on prozac and get a therapist and shut up? (That last one, with a few years between us as distance, is the funniest one to me - since I did see a grief counselor for six months after Elijah died...until she suddenly died.)
I loved Tanis from the beginning, but I was insanely jealous of the fact that she got the big hug. Of the fact that her writing was accepted, her process was acceptable, and she was lovable. Of course when I met her last weekend, I had to pour my heart out to her and apologize for my misplaced (and to her..umm...invisible?) jealousy. At least I felt better. (And I re-directed my jealousy to a more appropriate arena, like her hot bod and consistently photogenic face.)
I had an interesting conversation about this with a far more seasoned (spicy, even) blogger friend last weekend, and she made me feel better with her enlightened take on it. She saw a shift over the years, from primarily troll commenters, to primarily groups finding each other and supporting each other. Wow. Simply bad timing on my part.
I got over it, obviously. I rarely get comments like that anymore when I write about Elijah, and I do feel the hugs.
I feel supported and I take the strength that readers offer me. I don't pray, but I accept prayers.
There is a huge gift in the realization that, when I woke up yesterday all FREAKED THE FUCK OUT, I could write, share, and get that damn hug I needed.
Thank you. You inspired this post, and this list.

I am starting a new links list on my sidebar.
A list of bloggers who are writing about loss as well as what they have. Parents who have lost children. Writers who write about smelling the flowers and wading through the piles of shit. Sharing their paths of grief and finding their way back to living a life.
They may need your support, or you may need theirs.
Find each other.
If you know of anyone who should be added to this category, please let me know, and I will.

To start with, I have:

Turtle and Monkey

Tanis, at Attack of the Redneck Mommy and Missing My Bug

Loralee, of Loralee's Looney Tunes

Kate, of Sweet/Salty
and co-founder of Glow in the Woods

Julia, of I Won't Fear Love


Julia said...

Thank you.

You know, right, that those anonymous are chickenshits? That they think that if they can put you in a box, nothing bad will even happen to them. Because you know, they are special. I am totally over being nice to them. Or even staying quiet.

I am sorry your early experiences with writing about Elijah were so full of hurt. This is the biggest reasons I hate the chickenshits-- they make people in pain hurt more, just so they can go on with their puppies and unicorns lives.

I know your loss is different in that you did get that little bit of time with Elijah that most of us in the stillbirth and neonatal loss community didn't get. But maybe, as you say here, you can still find some comfort at Glow in the Woods, or among the many individual writers in the community.

Denise said...

It is no secret that I have loved you long time lol. I never shied away from the Elijah posts, but secretly thanked you for sharing him with me/the blogging world. You a very brave soul to put it out there. Who the fuck cares anyway? I so admire and love you. For your spirit, your courage, and the fact that you think i have great tits hahahh. Seriosuly love you girl, you kick ass.
Oh and I am just sorry that I did not know you when Elijah died. I would have held you and rocked you, and just let you be you.

Heather/Piggy Toes said...

Great post Gwendomama. I once asked you as an anon if you thought about seeing a therapist and meant nothing bad by it. I lost my baby at 15 weeks, my due date would have been in a few weeks and I can't tell you how sad I am. It hurts my body. My two living boys are my life but I never imagined how painful it is now to have to deal with an upcoming due date. I can't imagine losing my 13 month old.

Huge hugs to you and thanks for your blog. You make me a better mama. I have bad days, get angry, become frustrated but then I read your blog and remember life is not to be lived that way.

gwendomama said...

julia: thank you for coming here, and I hope I did not create any hurt feelings with the phrase 'living, breathing'...I try not to make that distinction, but I realized that this is just my story, after all.
death is pain.
denise: thank you for mentioning you have not been scared by those posts. Many are, and it's okay too. and hey - you got 'em, you flaunt 'em!
heather: I am so so sorry for your loss. 15 weeks sucks. I have lost at 8 wks and at 12. 12 sucked worse.
Your due-date will be hard;I don't blame you for that. Without pretending I don't or shouldn't offer advice: If at all feasible, and if you are up for it, get pregnant again.
Feel free to get angry. You are allowed to feel ripped off too.
Also?? I love you for your brave admission SO MUCH! I think I was slightly offended by that comment...because...well..that therapist was a good friend of mine and I was (am) still sensitive about that. (I know, you're shocked)

mama to many said...

Hey there! You definitely are not alone in this and you inspired me to start writing in a blog after my sweet Isabella passed away (do you remember me? You sent me "cuppies!" and never told me how to mail you the shipping costs!!)

I don't think anybody reads my blog, but I don't care. I have nobody to talk to about my immense loss in "real life" and the writing has helped me in the most amazing way. Thank you :) I read your blog everyday just so you know. I cry and laugh a lot and feel your pain in a very intimate way.

I think it's just too hard for the people who aren't in the "club" to get us and our pain. Why can't we just "get over it?" We never will, we'll just learn to live with it I guess and always be a little "depressing". Thank you for sharing your stories and true, raw feelings. It helps me!

Linda said...

More connections for you:
I've been reading Rachaels blog for about a year. She lost her five year old daughter due to drowning on the 19th of July 2007.
And here's another that I linked to from Rach.http://sheyerosemeyer.blogspot.com/

Loves and hugs to you!

Tricia said...

It is hard so hard for us, for me, perhaps, to face and walk in to pain that is not owned by us, me, already. To willingly take that on.

You know? Not saying I wouldn't or couldn't. Just putting it out there.

I never met Elijah- only here. And I love that boy. The boy he was, the boy he should've been. You introduced me to him, here. Thank you for that. And I am not the type (AT ALL) to say I love easily or to anyone, but I do, to your boy, Elijah.

Loralee Choate said...

I have walked both sides of the fence. I have gotten "The big hug" and have been subjected to ASSHATS that make me cringe.

I feel sad for everyone who deals with that on any level, but especially people who cross the line with loss like this.


You were wonderful to meet, but I am so sad that we are all part of this horrible club.

Tracey said...

Honey, it's not the number of people you touch, it's the fact that you HAVE touched someone. Remember that commenters on happy fluffy blogs rarely leave comments and that (it would make sense to me, at least) people who are mourning and devastated may not be able to comment yet. But they can read...

The other me said...

Oh I know how you feel about being so alone, in 19 years I have never, ever spoken to or heard from a mother who has had her children abducted or abused, like you , I was told to shutup or risk irritating people or depressing them, even told to count my blessings!
I am so glad that you get the hugs you need and deserve, I love blogs, I love reading yours and seeing pictures of your glorious Elijah. Helen.

mamadaisy said...

i am compelled to read about elijah, even though it hurts, and it probably isn't good for me sometimes.

you have guts. you say the things i cannot say. it picks at the scab of my own guilt and loss and makes me face it, even when i don't want to.

hugs to you, oh brave one.

furiousBall said...

you know, you're a good soul lady.

i would give you a non-butt grabbing hug right now if i could.

actually, if i had the chance to give you a hug, what are the chances of giving you another? i better grab your butt just to be safe.

sorry, but i have to play the odds.

Jerri Ann said...

I've experienced loss by losing my father. At that time, I thought nothing could be worse. I was 19. My grandmother however was laying across the top of my father's casket crying and she kept saying the same phrase over and over, "no one should have to experience the loss of a child"

At the time I thought, yes, that would be horrible. Now that I have 2 children, I know that what she felt and what she was saying was more than simply a phrase, it was her heart totally bleeding.

I would love to be added to your links..if you think I can be.

Mandy said...

I found Tanis originally through her memorial blog to Shale/Bug because I was looking for something for a friend who had lost a child.

Then, naturally, I checked out her Redneck Mommy site. And have been addicted ever since.

I have no idea first hand what it means to lose a child, but I never would have imagined that there are people out there cruel enough to disparage a grieving mother.

I am glad that your experience has changed for the positive.

Candy said...

I haven't stopped by in a long while...I think maybe you had stopped writing for a bit? I don't remember.

Anyway, I remember the days when you were pregnant with your baby, in the aftermath of losing Elijah, and I recall sitting and crying for you.

I'm glad to see you back writing (although I guess I've missed a few posts!). I'll stick around, if that's ok :)

Redneck Mommy said...

First off, you are right, I never knew or picked up on any of that jealousy you write about.

Secondly, I'm glad I've found you because I consider you to be a real life friend now, and someone I love and carry with me in my heart.

Third, I don't know if I have the strength you did. I stumbled into blogging at the exact right time and if I had faced the trolls or demons you faced when writing about your precious child, I would have turned off my computer and walked away from this medium permanently.

I'm sorry you had to go through that.

But I am so impressed with your strength and your willingness to persevere through that trial.

You are a far better woman, than I, my friend.

I'm so glad to have found you.

Danielle G. said...

I just wanted to let you know I recently found your blog and read almost all of your posts. Thank you so much for sharing your story. You have touched my heart.

mindi said...

Oh Jeesh... I just stopped by to give you a hard time & thank you for the lighter & now I can't stop these crazy tears from coming down my face... And I'm at work! I had no idea... I can't even imagine... BIG HUGGS XOXO

Jenny, the Bloggess said...

Fuck anonymous. You helped me and didn't even know it. Reading about your strength after losing your sweet son gave me perspective on the mourning I was still doing from my miscarriages. You gave me strength and didn't even know it.

Also, I know it's not the same because she lost a husband rather than a child but one of my friends, Laura, has an amazing story and I'm always so shocked at how few comments she has.

I'm not sure if this will let me link to her but just in case:


Jules said...


I'm Jules and I work at bestrank.com, a company interested in blog advertizing. I found
your blog engaging and I'm contacting you to ask if you are interested in blog post

If you are interested, kindly mail back for confirmation(jules@bestrank.com).Please
include your blog's URL.
Looking forward to doing business with you.


Jules Viernes

Lunasea said...

I love reading your Elijah posts mostly because he was just so beautiful the pictures of him take my breath away and I want to know him as much as possible.

Also, I love your writing - it's so clear and poetic at the same time.

And, selfish as it is, sometimes I'm also looking for evidence that the death of a child can be survived...because I am terrified down to my bones that I will lose one of mine.

I feel kind of guilty about that...but I wanted to say it because sometimes if I don't comment, it's because I don't imagine my comments would mean much. I really appreciate this post because it helps me realize how much it takes to put all the grief out there, and how I do want to acknowledge that. The best way to do that in this medium is to comment, I guess.

Heather said...

Thanks for the kind words Gwendomama. We did start trying for another as soon as we got the go ahead from the doctor to do so. Of course every month that I am certain I am pregant I end up waking with a very not-so-pregnant surprise and it hurts alot to have been so sure.

But please keep writing. Keep healing. Your blog is very special (aside from the fact you are Queen of Blogland).


Anonymous said...

Question: some people make money out of blogging. Lots of people do now in fact. With all your advertising you added to your site is your intention to make money out of what you are sharing?

gwendomama said...

HI Anon: Good question.
Answers: ALOT of people make a LITTLE bit of money from advertising.
I make about enough to pay for my web address and connection, so I guess the ads support my hobby/habit. It would be hard to justify this writing if it were a financial drain on my family. I guess I could just chalk it up to the cost of therapy...
I have always had ads on my site. So they are not new, and no - my sole intention in sharing was really to share. It wasn't that easy to find a community three years ago. Now it is easier, but I wanted to make a more concise list for those seeking that kind of sharing.
Actually, the irony is that, now that that list is the FIRST list on my sidebar, I will probably get FEWER hits....a WHOLE lot of people would see that headline for a list and run the hell away....click, click, close!

Boss of Seattle said...

Anon, are you asking if she is capitalizing on the death of her child (Not that ANYONE in their right mind would suggest that G would do something like that and I am sure you would not either)? If you are, keep your fucking mouth shut. If you are not, think before typing something so FUCKING STUPID.

The Turtle and the Monkey said...

Each time I read a post, you prove to me that I will survive this and that there are some wonderful people stuck in this awful club with me (I am very sorry for that). You have shown me that it is okay to miss my son as badly as the day I lost him even though everyone else has forgotten him. You have given me strength when I thought I had none left.

Thank you.

Anonymous said...

No, Bos, it's not what I meant.

gwendomama said...


Mama to Many - yes i DO remember you - the cuppies were on me! thank you so much for letting me know it helped. you are right about the 'club' - however unwilling members we are, we are locked together by this club. I would love to see more writing from you in blogland...;)
Linda-THANKS for hannah/lily - i have read sheye and thank you for reminding me...i KNEW i was missing some people i had 'met' before...
Tricia: very good point. the pain. i do realize that, really. and thank you for loving him. that means so much after a lifetime of explaining his differences...it was hard for anyone to get past that to KNOW him.
Loralee: YES THEY DO. and the club does too. but NOT the members. and i love you. and even though you claim to be a saint, you made out with everyone at blogher except me. what gives?
Tracey: you are so very right. and that was enough to keep going. and what are you saying? that i'm not fluffy? that i am a DOWNER? i can do FLUFFY, I CAN!!! have you seen my cupcakes? FLUFF! ;)
i heart you.
Helen: THAT SUCKS and i am so sorry for you. trolls. mofotrolls. or i think they are actually 'chickenshit' but that is too complicated to write, so they choose anon as it is spelled out for them. DON'T YOU EVER EVER SHUT UP. you may not find a mentor, but a mentee.
Judy: but you have brass balls. we know that. stop picking. it won't heal. use some neosporin.
furiousball: i would have to give you that one, just based on the amount of forethought that went into it. you may grab.
JerriAnn: you describe a visceral scene, to be sure. and it is impossible to understand unless you have parented a child, this is true. i would consider adding you to readers list but aren't you just a little bit worried that 'christian preschool' and 'secular mother who cannot stop saying fuck' crossover may ruin your reputation?
Mandy:You are a GREAT friend to look for that for a friend. seriously. one of the bestest things you could have done for her.
Candy: WELCOME BACK!! Stick around! when i am not writing i am usually too paralyzed by the bad days...or fighting w/dh and who can write about that???
Tanis: My new canadian friend. you know i love you.
you are in my heart forever - intertwined by our common losses and my jealousy was long gone when i met you in person. before that, even. it was just a confession.
and i didn't walk away because i guess i am used to giving ONE MORE CHANCE LITTLE MISSY.
Danielle: Wow. you have stamina! thankyou.
Mindi: Sorry. did i not warn you about the blog? oops. BUT WHY ARENT YOU GIVING ME THE HARD TIME? you know i LOVE THE HARD TIME! bring it!
Jenny: yes, anon is fucked. you are the sweetest thing ever i am sure someone doused you in maple syrup before we met. (it could have happened, think about it). I am going to read Laura's site right now. NOW. moving on from any loss while parenting is a challenge.
thank you for telling me that anything i wrote helped you work through any mourning in any way at all. i am starting to think i am all fucking awesome.
Jules: you sound a little suspicious when i google you!
Lunasea(the real one): you complimented my writing! i love you best of all!! and you are just admitting to what i think most mothers fear every day but are afraid to ever speak aloud.
heather: thank you. and i had many many months of false hormanic months. ouch. i will keep writing, and you keep getting the sexy time on, and ummm...keep us posted?

Anonymous said...

Blogging is a place where people can express themselves to the whole world to hear. If you know that, then be prepared to hear all kinds of comments. I have seen a few comments from people using "anonymous". My reason for using "anonymous" is because I don't have a blog. I simply read here and there blogs that have attracted me. If you want a name, instead of an "anonymous" what good would that do? Would you feel better at blasting that person using his/her name? If that person gave you their email address, would you feel better sending them a nasty note? I really don't get it. I find that if you don't like the comments by anonymous's or any other blogger, just delete them. Freedom of expression is for all. As one anonymous wrote, if you don't like the forum, use a personnal diary. Your community as you so call it, is the whole world. This is the creepy thing about it. But I know that there are also some folks who don't invite the whole world, only a select few. But what good would that do if you are trying to profit, right? I don't see the need to get mean and start using negative and insulting words. I laugh, because I often think that people who have blogs are the same little girls who passed notes in class and whispered to one another.

Boss of Seattle said...

Anon, I am glad you have a name. The point of this whole blog is not so that YOU can say what you want, but so that Gwendomama can say what SHE wants. Read back through her archives. See what she and her family have endured. Try to put yourself into the shoes of a mother who tried to save her son's life and failed. A mother who lost out on watching her most precious little one grow up and thrive. Read about the loss of brother for Supergirl. What that means for a 2 1/2 year old child to watch her brother die and what it means now for her. Try to imagine being a father to a beautiful baby that stops breathing in your arms and you frantically try to save him while waiting for the ems. Try to imagine all of that. Then come back and say that this blog is like a little girl passing notes. Or maybe, just maybe you too have experienced such a GREAT loss? I somehow doubt it. My friend had lived through all of that and much more that I can't even concieve. Think again before comment. Try to imagine holding your dead baby then come back with something to say. I bet it will be a lot nicer than 'people who have blogs are the same little girls who pased notes and whispered in class'. Her BABY DIED! Get over yourself.

Lori said...

I lost my 2 1/2 year old to cancer last year and I think of my blog as communal therapy. Yes I've had Anonymous accuse me of having fun (gasp) when I wasn't writing about my grief and swear to never return. Well good riddance! But I've also found a community that lifts me when I need it. Thank you for sharing your story. It is a blessing to those of us who can unfortunately relate.

Anonymous said...

Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. I can't believe what I'm hearing from BOS. It's really insulting, you know? How dare you accuse me of being insensitive to such a heart-breaking experience like losing a child? Where did you get the notion that I equate profiting with losing a child? I started reading this blog a while back and continued to do so because I actually laughed at some of her posts. To me, her writing was funny. Really funny. Like the time she ran out of gas. (Don't equate her running out of gas with me thinking that's funny, don't you dare.) I love her humor. As for the posts of her loss, each time I would see them, I would approach them hesitantly because they'd always make me cry.

What I think is cheap is having a blog and trying to make money out of it. Get it BOS? Think hard before you type out such an insult. Don't think you are the only one holding her hand in her pain. I would sometimes think of this woman for several hours after reading about her trauma.

I simply think that blogging to make a buck is cheap, regardless of what you write. It's my opinion. It doesn't mean I'm right, just an opinion.

Lunasea said...

:::see dead horse, must beat it::

Anon, you said you don't have a blog - do you have any idea how much money bloggers get from advertising? Very, very, very few bloggers actually make enough money blogging to quit their day job. And if they do? So what?

If someone were to write a book about their experience losing a child and people bought it and the author ::gasp:: made some money, is that cheap or exploitive too?

I would guess that anyone who's made any money like that from their experience would give back every red cent to have their child/loved one back, so I'm not sure what your point is.

Did you expect GM to come back and say, "Yes, anon, I'm hoping to strike it rich through my story"? You're reading the wrong blog, then. You should head over to Kelley's (Magneto Bold)blog. She'd probably say that.

(And I mean that in the nicest possible way, Kelley).

Boss of Seattle said...

ditto the dead horse, but alas, I must be compulsive or something...

Anon, the one and ONLY time have I heard G remark on a comment hurting her feelings (there have been many mean things said, but none that have dug so deep)was the other day when you asked if she was somehow profiting from the loss of Elijah. We were chatting and she found it and was shocked. And angry. Like you said, this is an open forum. If you don't like the reaction you are getting I would suggest trying to really figure out what it is that you are doing that is promoting this. Just as you are free to comment on Gwendomama's site, I am free to respond to your comments. And I will. Wht you said and what you meant MAY have been two entirely different things. But that is NOT how it reads. And your reply to the reaction seems to validate this. I am not trying to make you feel bad, just wake you up. This is public yes. A free for all? NO. Even public forums require a bit if tact and diplomacy. And I ask, why is it cheap to try to earn a buck writing? As far as I know John Steinbeck, Walt Whitman, Jack Kerouak, Langston Hughes, F Scott Fitzgerald, TS Elliot, EB White, Jane Austin, Zora Neal Hurston, ee cummings all did just that- make money from writing! They just didn't have the internet as a medium. What is the difference? Paper and pen? An old timey typewriter? It is illogical at best to think that this medium should be treated any differently. And yes, you did hurt her feelings.

Yo said...