I was in serious danger

At the birthday party of mamas only, there was much hinting of freezing bras. Either the sangria or the hot tub replaced that plan with actual sleep, but the end result was - sleep.
I was the last one to go to bed, and headed outside in the yard to clean up a bit and turn off the carnival lights. I tripped over something right away, which turned out to be a bra on the ground. A very large bra, dropped from someone's armload as they twinkle-toed back from the hot tub.
Very large.
So large, that when I saw it, my breasts uttered little protests of inadequacy.

I didn't freeze the bra, but I did decide to hang it up in the doorway, mistletoe style. As I hung up the gargantuan soft cups, I giggled to myself at the thought of the first hapless person to walk into its clutches.
I went out in the yard and collected bottles for recycling, emptied plates that may have lured raccoons, and eventually turned off the lights, leaving me alone with the rising moon.

I stood watching it for a few minutes, basking in the quiet chilly night, feeling slightly older, and I noticed the temperature rise ever so slightly with the moon rise.

I smiled at the thought of all my mama friends who were already sound asleep, dreamily basking in the reality of being able to sleep in.

I walked back across the yard through the darkness, carefully feeling my way up the steps to the house.
Suddenly, I felt something grab me around the neck and I screamed and twisted away, thus further enabling the attacker to wrap me in it's...................tentacles?................................
....................................................rope of death?..........................................???????????
..............................................................................................?????????????????
..............................softly padded elastic straps?????????????

(oh)



Attack of the double D cups.

I almost died.