I think I have the flu, if the aching legs and back and puffy eyes and chills are any indicaton.
I hate the flu. I hate it for more than your average reasons, too. Not just because it SUCKS. Two days before Elijah died, I had the flu. The kind of flu that you dare not go near an already sick baby. The kind of flu where you dare not leave the bathroom and the cold bathroom floor appears inviting. The kind of flu where your hair follicles hurt because they are growing too fast.
In my very real memory, and in my reality, that was one entire day and night that I missed holding him. 48 hours before he died.
So I hate the flu; it makes me depressed and teary. And today, driving past Elijah's beach, I just had a meltdown. Even though Bubbles was in the car.
I hate the flu.
7pm update: the flu appears to be a feverish case of mastitis. which disguises itself as the flu. until the breasts turn into - owww - let's not talk about it, shall we?