Thursday, November 09, 2006

Love Thursday: My Babies LOVE Each Other!

When I was pregnant with Bubbles I went to a hypnotherapist specializing in people like me. That being, I assume: women, whom for whatever reasons, have more-than-average angst about their pregnancy. I am not a very good candidate for hypno-therapy, and I told her as much when making the appointment.
I remember more about the therapist part than the hypno- part. But that's because I really needed to talk to someone who could then put the nasty details into a more mystical conceptualization for me. And that really did help. I think. I am quite sure that it helped just because the woman - who spent hours and hours of time with me in our two 'one-hour' sessions - was so incredibly patient, kind, intuitive, experienced. And I was incredibly wobbly.
One thing I do remember very clearly during our session was when she asked me to imagine my unborn child and Supergirl playing together.
But I couldn't envision my unborn child (Bubbles) playing with Supergirl.
How could I - all I could do was rub that belly and imagine a blank slate. Nothing more.
And when asked to picture my children playing together, all I could picture was Elijah and Supergirl together. Snuggling in Kauai. Snuggling in the bed at home. Snuggling. Swimming. Playing. In a subdued sort of way.
And then that goddamned ~poof~!~ again...oh, he's dead. Kinda blew that hypno-moment.
I tried, I really tried. I wanted so badly to be able to imagine my children - my children, plural, as siblings - playing together. Growing together. Snuggling together. Fighting together. Loving together.
But I could not. I could not do it without the fear.
I am still afraid to have those moments where I glance into the future and I see the two of them playing, romping, growing, snuggling, arguing, loving....
But I do have them.
Because I am living them every day now. Every day, when Supergirl asks when Bubbles will wake up because she misses him. And when they rock out on the instruments while I make dinner. And when she cries because he has gone to bed without a proper kiss goodnight. And when they play 'Boo' in the car. Yes, outrageously ordinary stuff like that.

And I cannot believe my good fortune.

3 comments:

Auntie Dee-Dee said...

You make me cry...and you make me so happy that you gave us these 3 beautiful children! During the bad times, remember these special times...I love...LOVE Thursday...and am totally envious that I cannot share those LOVE moments with you. xo

Karianna said...

"Ordinary" is never mundane or meaningless. And you certainly know that.

mamadaisy said...

what an absolutely beautiful post. i'm so happy for you to finally have two happy babies in your arms again.